Monday, July 30, 2007

The Grill Is On Fire!

So, we cooked steak tonight on the grill. And potatoes, too. Potatoes all chopped up and sealed in aluminum foil with butter and spices. Happiness is mine! But there was a bit of a mishap. I said the words no husband wants to hear tonight.

I said, "Honey, the grill is on fire."
To which Daniel replied, "well, yeah, it's a grill."
Me: "No, honey, the grill is on fire."
Daniel: "Yeah, well how do you think it cooks?"
Me: "No, the grill is ON FIRE!"

At this point Daniel finally decides a look out the window might be warranted. Indeed, flames are shooting up where flames should not be. What does he say?

Not, "OMG, the grill's right next to the garage."
Not, "OMG, the grill's right next to the neighbor's very wooden and therefore very flammable fence."
Not, "OMG, there's a propane tank attached to that."

No, none of the things that are concerning me come out of his mouth. What does he say? You really want to know? He says,


But really, what is a propane explosion induced garage fire in which both of your vehicles burn to crisps and the neighbor's fence goes up like a candle in comparison to burnt potatoes? Nothing, really. You see where his priorities lie.

This is almost as good as the Great Lifesaver Debate of 2005 (yes, it has earned proper noun status)

Picture us, if you will, in our living room, me with a bag of lifesavers in my lap. Here is what ensues:

Me: (takes lifesaver out of wrapper, pops it in mouth) suck, suck, chomp, chomp, suck, chomp

Daniel: (gives me a sideways glance)

Me: (takes another lifesaver out of wrapper, pops it in mouth) suck, slurp, sticks tongue through hole in lifesaver, suck, chomp, choooommmmp.

Daniel: (another sideways glance. this one is on the verge of being a dirty look)

Me: (takes yet another lifesaver out of wrapper, pops it in mouth) suck, suck, slurp, stick out my tongue and stare at it, suck, suck, slurp, chomp

Now it gets good:

Daniel: (another sideways glance, definately now in the territory of dirty looks)
You eat those like they were candy.

Me: Um, they are candy
Daniel: No, they're not.

This is what I live with, folks. Day in, day out. Lifesavers are not candy. Potatoes should not be burnt. Propane tanks that are attached to fires are not dangerous. Marriage is a whole different ballgame than I'd ever imagined.

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