As many of you know, there is a new baby in my house. The two-legged creatures who live here have foolishly allowed themselves to believe that the baby belongs to them, but we all know the truth, don't we? After all, they don't park themselves outside her door while she naps, do they? They dont' sniff her regularly to make sure she's in good health or lick her fingers to make sure she stays clean...
Nope, they sure don't. Good thing I'm around - I don't know what that poor baby would do without me!
Anyhow, I'm here with a PSA (I've heard the female two-legger use that term; I think it means public service announcement) for all you dogs who have found yourself in my position - with a new baby you've got to look out for on account of your two-leggers' kind but feeble attempts to care for our little ones.
Here are my words of wisdom:
Take it from me - Do not, under any circumstances, lick the inside of the baby's hand if your baby has a good, strong grasp. Apparently, human babies have a reflex to close their hands whenever something touches the insides of them. Apparently they also have some sort of reflex to yank and pull once they've gotten a nice, firm grasp. My poor tongue advises you to follow this reccomendation. I think my two-legger baby stretched it a good five inches and I'm afraid I'll be barking with a lisp for the next week.
Aside from that, she's a pretty nice two-legger to have around.
Dingo the Wonder Mutt