A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to read the book A Million Miles In A Thousand Years by Donald Miller. I loved the general idea of this book. In summary, Miller tells us that it is our responsibility to make our lives good stories – stories worth telling – stories with meaning and direction, with love in action, with fear and overcoming, and maybe – if you’re me, anyways – a good deal of drama.
While I’m not entirely in agreement with his idea that I have a responsibility to God to live a good story, I agree that as a human I have a responsibility to myself, my community, and my family to live a good story. Plus I want to. I mean, how incredibly boring would it be to just hang out in front of the TV, never taking risks, never moving forward, never engaging yourself in the practice of just living? It would be nice and safe, but I think I’d claw off my face out of boredom.
However, there were some things about the book that pulled at me and made me wonder if maybe Miller wasn’t missing part of what I think makes my story a good one. For example, he didn’t seem to take into account the way the inbetween places just have to happen sometimes – how sometimes we’re inbetween things and paralyzed and we just can’t move forward, but these things ultimately somehow grow us in our story. I don’t think this is anything to apologize for. There are times when our souls have to rest and have to get bored and worked up and restless before we can be any good again. It is what it is. It doesn’t mean those times make your story a poor one.
There were a few other things I felt the book didn’t account for, not because Donald Miller would think I’m living a horrifically stupid story, but just because he’s not living the story I’m living and he was writing his own story – you know, like he should have been. No biggie, I still liked the book and I still like Donald Miller.
At any rate, we discussed this on a Tuesday night, and while I was talking about these thoughts on this book, my friend Audra said something to the effect of, “I’m so glad you went this way with it. I thought I was just about to get stuck thinking about how I don’t live a good story. I work in a day care and sometimes I feel so lame”. Or, she said something to that effect. It was two weeks and ten drinks ago, so I’m going with the paraphrase here.
*~*~*~*~*
Cuthbert has a theory that our lives can’t impact the world the way they would have able to 50 years ago. It sounds like pure cynicism up front, but then he keeps talking and you realize he really means it and he isn’t trying to be cynical. Cuthbert says that the world is so much bigger than it was 50 years ago. Technology has opened up the world in a way it has never been open before. We don’t just live in a local community – we live in a global community. And because everybody in the world has access to everybody else in the world, each person’s impact is smaller.
If you press Cuthbert, he will give you an example. He will tell you that his grandmother has memories to this day of one night when she hosted one specific party in her community and she was a star for one evening. These memories are a big deal to her – they represent something she did within her community that was something great, not only to her but to the entire community. People talked about it, people remembered it, people passed it on to their children and their grandchildren. It was one night - one party.
We can’t do this. Oh, we can throw parties – I do that all the time. But I can’t throw a party that’s going to enthrall my entire community and be the talk of the town for generations to come. The world is too big. My party is one party amongst a thousand other parties happening in town amongst 10,000 concerts in the US that people found on the web and flew to, amongst a zillion youtube videos being downloaded around the world at the same time I’m passing out marshmallows and graham crackers. The idea that I can do something great, at least in the way the world defines greatness, is a flawed idea. The world is too big; my backyard is too small. This is why I believe that the greatest thing I can do is to live my life in a way that inspires others to live their lives well – to live good stories. That’s all I’ve got. I’m too small for anything else, so I’m going to go with what I have, which is the capacity to publically live my life in a way that reflects my values. That’s it.
*~*~*~*~*
My generation was told when we were all small children that we could be anything we wanted to be when we grew up. We could do anything if we wanted it badly enough and if we worked hard enough at it.
Then we grew up.
And we are not what we wanted to be.
To quote Marilyn Manson (as it is clearly appropriate for 28 year-old women to do) we didn’t grow up to be big rock stars, celebrated victims of our fame.
And most of us didn’t grow up to be professional athletes. Or singers or astronauts or the President of the United States.
We did not grow up to be anything we wanted to be, and a good chunk of us are fairly disillusioned, disappointed, and chomping on SSRIs to help us deal with the perceived reality that we failed. We did not grow up to be anything we wanted to be. We either didn’t want it badly enough or we didn’t work hard enough and now we’re tracking flight luggage and typing grant proposals and making the rounds of the hospital halls doing whatever work we’ve found – the work that is not the anything we wanted to be – and we are depressed.
When I was a kid, I had a series of things I wanted to be. For awhile, I wanted to be a famous singer (inspired by Debbie Gibson, no doubt). When I got to high school I wanted to be a psychologist. Then I wanted to be an actor in a theatre. Then I wanted to be a social worker.
These are all fine and dandy. There’s nothing wrong with any of them, and I was told all my life I could be anything I wanted to be, so they were, in theory, all attainable. Except for the fact that I have a so-so singing voice, a personality so unbalanced I can barely allow myself to depend on me, moderate acting skills, and no patience whatsoever for the attitudes of generational poverty or the bureaucracy involved in social services. Basically, I would suck horribly at everything I thought I wanted to be.
I cannot be anything I wanted to be. I never had a chance. No amount of hard work or unbridled desire is going to make it possible for me to be a famous singer. No matter how badly I wanted it, I could not be a good psychologist. I just can’t. It isn’t going to happen.
Let me repeat this: I cannot be anything I want to be.
I can be a lot of things, many of which I would probably enjoy. I’m a grant proposal writer and I’m good at it and I like it – which all makes sense in light of the fact that my natural inclination has always been to write things. I’m a mom and I think I’m damn good at that, but then I’ve always been nurturing to the people I love. I think I’d be a decent public speaker, and probably not a horrible cook. There are a lot of things I can be.
But there are a lot of things I can’t be. Period.
While we were talking about this on a Tuesday, Audra told me, “I’m 26 years old and I work in a day care. I always feel like a loser when people want to know what I do.”
Audra is sweet and funny. She is responsible, considerate almost to a fault, open-minded, and demonstrates a child-like playfulness even in the light of things like $40 tequilla and the question of whether god exists. She’s a delight. She is not a loser. I would trust her with my child any day, because she is someone I can trust and a good person for children to be around. I’m betting Audra rocks it as a day care provider.
But Audra’s generation was told they could be anything they wanted to be, which raised the bar for them. Being able to be anything brings with it an expectation to be something great – and why not? If you can be anything in the world, surely you can be something great. But the world is too big, and Audra’s daycare is too small.
So Audra feels like a loser because she wipes tears and reads stories and gives morning snacks. She feels like a loser because she nurtures people’s children and keeps them safe and shows them love and provides a service that allows other women to enter the workforce if they so choose and work toward gender equality.
Are you hearing this? Audra feels like a loser.
This makes me very sad. Audra is not a loser.
*~*~*~*~*
Norah doesn’t talk much. I mean, she’s 14 months old. Her language skills are pretty limited. Unless you want to talk about Elmo or Cookie (Monster) or doggies or cheese, you’re out of luck. But one day Norah is going to be a better talker and someone is going to say to her, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” And when she furrows her brow to think about it, they’re going to follow up with “You can be anything, you know, if you want it badly enough and you work hard enough”
And I will say, “No, you can’t Norah. You can’t be anything. You can be a lot of wonderful things, and you can do a great job at them, but you can’t be anything.”
And hopefully she will keep listening instead of thinking “Yowza, my mom is mean!” and disengaging.
Because then I will say, “Pay attention to the things you’re good at and that you love to do. Those are the things you’ll have the best chance at making a living with. Pay attention to those things when you decide what you want to be, because those are going to point you to the things you can do and that you can do well – the things you can be if you want them badly and if you work hard.”
And then no matter what she chooses to pursue, I will support her, even if she's horrific at it and all she gains is the knowledge that it's not really her thing. But I will not tell her the lie that she can be anything because I refuse to set her up for failure in that way. I refuse to make her feel like a loser for being unable to do things she shouldn’t be able to do anyways. I will not saddle her with that.
I didn’t grow up to be anything I wanted to be. I didn’t grow up to do something great. But I don’t feel like a loser. I shouldn’t have had those expectations in the first place. There are so many things I just can’t do, and the world is too big for me to be something great in the way the world defines greatness. I am what I am. I’m a writer, a mother, a person who desperately wants to inspire change and has nothing to work with but her own life. I’m a woman who desires community and works to make it happen - a person who tries her best to love on the hurting and broken. I am what I am. And I am not a loser.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Cult Leaders of the World, Unite! (Cohousing, part II)
Wow, it’s been awhile! Sorry about my absence as of late. I have all the best intentions of keeping up with this blog and then crazy things happen. Since I’ve written last, somebody went on maternity leave at work, your dear little H got bombarded with extra tasks, and a large federal grant opportunity came up that had to be completed within 2 weeks and involved getting 8 churches/agencies together multiple times, and, oh, here’s a random one… some preachers wanted to re-baptize me. In a pond. ‘Cause, you know, the first baptism didn’t stick. Or something. I’m thinking of petitioning Jonas for hazard pay.
Needless to say, it’s been crazy lately and I’ve been spending most of my down time trying to make sure I don’t miss anything with Norah as she grows ever so quickly into a curious, high-energy little girl.
Anyway, I wanted to finish up with the cohousing piece I started… erm, two months ago. Sorry about that. So, here we go with part two of your cohousing primer!
Okay, are you still with me on this cohousing thing? Do you need a refresher? Here’s part one of my cohousing piece. Read it over…. do you have a picture of what cohousing looks like – or what it could look like for a community you could be involved in? Good.
Now you might be wondering to yourself, “Dear Lord, why in the world would I want to get involved with something like cohousing?” Or, more likely, you might be thinking to yourself, “Wow. H really is crazy. I’ve been suspecting it all these years, but now…”
Rest assured, I am not crazy. Or, well, rest partially assured. I may be slightly crazy, but not in regards to cohousing. There are a host of benefits to be had by living in cohousing:
Relationships and Support
Anyone who knows me well knows that I believe people are not meant to live in alone. And by ‘alone’ I don’t necessarily mean hiding out in an old shack in the middle of the woods shooting squirrels and drinking your own pee when it doesn’t rain enough. That could mean ‘alone’, too, I suppose, but that’s not what I’m getting at here. What I’m getting at is that I don’t think it is good for each individual or household in a given neighborhood to feel that they’ve got just themselves to rely on. I’ve got D and Norah at my house, and while I love them dearly, in the words of Kurt Vonnegut, they are not enough people. They simply aren’t. They can’t take care of everything for me. They can’t understand my momma or nursing struggles like Lisey or Mabel can. They can’t understand my need for an arts outlet – or the way I struggle with everyone expecting me to be so fucking balanced - the way Cuthbert can. They don’t bake with me: J does. They can’t photograph a wedding with me: Jack and Mateo can.
They just aren’t enough people. I believe people were made to live in community in a state of interdependence, and when that doesn’t happen things get out of whack. People get depressed. They feel lonely. They don’t feel important to other people and they don’t have the chance to make other people feel important. They often forget how to serve, and almost always forget how to let others serve them. They can’t get help with the things they aren’t good at and they have no one to offer help to with the things they are gifted at. It sucks.
Cohousing offers built-in community. You know most of your neighbors; you actually talk to most of them and have meaningful conversations on a regular basis. You find out who you can depend on for what, and you find the places where your skill set fits in. You get to talk, and you get to listen. You, in short, finally have a chance to get all those needs fulfilled that don’t get taken care of at home – not because your family isn’t good enough or doesn’t love you enough, but because they are simply not enough people. Cohousing is enough people.
Sharing of knowledge and skill base
Going along with the relationships and support idea, cohousing provides the opportunity to share knowledge and skills. Graham Meltzer, Ph D. and Cohousing Scholar, says, “In a conventional society, specialists tend to guard their expertise and protect the status and financial reward their position incurs. In cohousing, knowledge and skills are more readily shared. They become diffused throughout the community and contribute to the welfare and personal development of all.”
Don’t know how to grow a garden? The lady 3 houses down knows how and is more than happy to help you plant the community tomatoes (which she will also be more than happy to help you eat, come summer). Don’t know how to start your lawnmower? (wink, wink, you know who you are) Pop over and D will help. And at times it’s the other way around – you know something and you help others out. Either way, the sharing of knowledge and skills amongst a community is beneficial to everyone involved.
Accountability
Also going along with the relationships and support idea, the very structure of cohousing provides a sort of accountability. Community, when done well, nearly always provides accountability. Accountability to what? That depends on your community. My friends and I work to keep each other accountable for living out good stories that reflect who we really are and how we want to live. This works for us, because we live closely enough in community to know what is in each others’ hearts, and therefore, whether we are living out the stories that are important to us individually.
Cohousing offers accountability like this, but also much more tangible accountability. Cohousing requires that you fulfill the commitments you make to your community and that you give of yourself in order to meet community goals. For example, if you don’t pay your dues and you never volunteer for work on site improvements, and you never help prepare common meals, and you never…. well, participate, that will get noticed. And it will prompt important conversations – conversations about why you aren’t participating, what the community can do to help you get connected, what kind of growth you might be looking for, etc.
Accountability is great for the group – it gets things done and creates a cohesiveness that is important when living so closely with other people. But accountability in itself is a benefit to each individual. Holding oneself accountable to something bigger helps develop responsibility, further personal growth, and enhance relationship skills.
Cohousing is great for kids
While I haven’t seen any studies to support this, the general consensus seems to be that children who grow up in cohousing are typically smarter, more socially adept, and better problem solvers than most other kids. Which makes sense, if you think about the amount of community support provided to them, the vast number of opportunities to practice a wide array of social skills, and exposure to consensus-based decision making they experience in cohousing. And think of all the knowledge and skill sets they have available to them! Why, little Norah can learn martial arts from J, painting from Cuthbert, videography from Jack…. etc. Regardless of whether any studies eventually validate the merit of cohousing for kids, I can’t imagine it not being good for them.
And on that note, I would suppose it’s nice for the parents, too. Built in playmates! Child care tradeoffs! Common room space on rainy days! Perhaps I should tone down the enthusiasm a bit – the slightly frazzled momma beast is showing through.
Sustainable living
Cohousing communities create opportunities for sustainable living in a variety of different ways:
• Most cohousing communities create an atmosphere of sustainable living simply in their design. Individual homes are often smaller than typical homes due to the availability of the common house – who needs a huge dining room when you can throw your dinner parties in the common house? A community kitchen, dining area, playroom, library, etc, all eliminate the need for excessive space in individual homes.
• Many cohousing communities are designed to discourage excessive use of cars.
• Many cohousing communities design their homes and buildings to use green/renewable energy sources, and to reduce energy consumption.
• Most cohousing communities use sustainable and/or recycled building materials in construction and/or renovation.
I’m sure there are roughly a bazillion more great benefits of cohousing, but I’m just going to leave you with these big ones that stuck out to me. This is not to say that cohousing doesn’t have its challenges. Virginia Lore, a resident of Duwamish Cohousing in Seattle Washington says, “The truest thing I know about living in cohousing is that it’s tough. The next truest thing is that it’s worth it. The tough-to-worth-it ratio changes daily”.
I think anything worth doing is going to have a tough-to-worth-it ratio that’s in constant flux, but I can see where cohousing might have some challenges that are, um, unique. It is hard for me to imagine coming to consensus on EVERY. SINGLE. THING. with a group of other people. And I’m sure conflicts arise when people are living such close and interconnected lives – and I’m also sure people have different ways of dealing with conflicts, which can cause more conflicts….. and so on, and so on. People have differing parenting styles, political views, and opinions about what kind of mulch the common house shrubbery is going to need. There are big differences and little differences, but I’m sure they are all significant. I’m sure there are challenges.
Despite that, I strongly suspect that the tough-to-worth-it ratio leans heavily toward worth-it a good chunk of the time. At any rate, I’d like to find out first hand.
Needless to say, it’s been crazy lately and I’ve been spending most of my down time trying to make sure I don’t miss anything with Norah as she grows ever so quickly into a curious, high-energy little girl.
Anyway, I wanted to finish up with the cohousing piece I started… erm, two months ago. Sorry about that. So, here we go with part two of your cohousing primer!
Okay, are you still with me on this cohousing thing? Do you need a refresher? Here’s part one of my cohousing piece. Read it over…. do you have a picture of what cohousing looks like – or what it could look like for a community you could be involved in? Good.
Now you might be wondering to yourself, “Dear Lord, why in the world would I want to get involved with something like cohousing?” Or, more likely, you might be thinking to yourself, “Wow. H really is crazy. I’ve been suspecting it all these years, but now…”
Rest assured, I am not crazy. Or, well, rest partially assured. I may be slightly crazy, but not in regards to cohousing. There are a host of benefits to be had by living in cohousing:
Relationships and Support
Anyone who knows me well knows that I believe people are not meant to live in alone. And by ‘alone’ I don’t necessarily mean hiding out in an old shack in the middle of the woods shooting squirrels and drinking your own pee when it doesn’t rain enough. That could mean ‘alone’, too, I suppose, but that’s not what I’m getting at here. What I’m getting at is that I don’t think it is good for each individual or household in a given neighborhood to feel that they’ve got just themselves to rely on. I’ve got D and Norah at my house, and while I love them dearly, in the words of Kurt Vonnegut, they are not enough people. They simply aren’t. They can’t take care of everything for me. They can’t understand my momma or nursing struggles like Lisey or Mabel can. They can’t understand my need for an arts outlet – or the way I struggle with everyone expecting me to be so fucking balanced - the way Cuthbert can. They don’t bake with me: J does. They can’t photograph a wedding with me: Jack and Mateo can.
They just aren’t enough people. I believe people were made to live in community in a state of interdependence, and when that doesn’t happen things get out of whack. People get depressed. They feel lonely. They don’t feel important to other people and they don’t have the chance to make other people feel important. They often forget how to serve, and almost always forget how to let others serve them. They can’t get help with the things they aren’t good at and they have no one to offer help to with the things they are gifted at. It sucks.
Cohousing offers built-in community. You know most of your neighbors; you actually talk to most of them and have meaningful conversations on a regular basis. You find out who you can depend on for what, and you find the places where your skill set fits in. You get to talk, and you get to listen. You, in short, finally have a chance to get all those needs fulfilled that don’t get taken care of at home – not because your family isn’t good enough or doesn’t love you enough, but because they are simply not enough people. Cohousing is enough people.
Sharing of knowledge and skill base
Going along with the relationships and support idea, cohousing provides the opportunity to share knowledge and skills. Graham Meltzer, Ph D. and Cohousing Scholar, says, “In a conventional society, specialists tend to guard their expertise and protect the status and financial reward their position incurs. In cohousing, knowledge and skills are more readily shared. They become diffused throughout the community and contribute to the welfare and personal development of all.”
Don’t know how to grow a garden? The lady 3 houses down knows how and is more than happy to help you plant the community tomatoes (which she will also be more than happy to help you eat, come summer). Don’t know how to start your lawnmower? (wink, wink, you know who you are) Pop over and D will help. And at times it’s the other way around – you know something and you help others out. Either way, the sharing of knowledge and skills amongst a community is beneficial to everyone involved.
Accountability
Also going along with the relationships and support idea, the very structure of cohousing provides a sort of accountability. Community, when done well, nearly always provides accountability. Accountability to what? That depends on your community. My friends and I work to keep each other accountable for living out good stories that reflect who we really are and how we want to live. This works for us, because we live closely enough in community to know what is in each others’ hearts, and therefore, whether we are living out the stories that are important to us individually.
Cohousing offers accountability like this, but also much more tangible accountability. Cohousing requires that you fulfill the commitments you make to your community and that you give of yourself in order to meet community goals. For example, if you don’t pay your dues and you never volunteer for work on site improvements, and you never help prepare common meals, and you never…. well, participate, that will get noticed. And it will prompt important conversations – conversations about why you aren’t participating, what the community can do to help you get connected, what kind of growth you might be looking for, etc.
Accountability is great for the group – it gets things done and creates a cohesiveness that is important when living so closely with other people. But accountability in itself is a benefit to each individual. Holding oneself accountable to something bigger helps develop responsibility, further personal growth, and enhance relationship skills.
Cohousing is great for kids
While I haven’t seen any studies to support this, the general consensus seems to be that children who grow up in cohousing are typically smarter, more socially adept, and better problem solvers than most other kids. Which makes sense, if you think about the amount of community support provided to them, the vast number of opportunities to practice a wide array of social skills, and exposure to consensus-based decision making they experience in cohousing. And think of all the knowledge and skill sets they have available to them! Why, little Norah can learn martial arts from J, painting from Cuthbert, videography from Jack…. etc. Regardless of whether any studies eventually validate the merit of cohousing for kids, I can’t imagine it not being good for them.
And on that note, I would suppose it’s nice for the parents, too. Built in playmates! Child care tradeoffs! Common room space on rainy days! Perhaps I should tone down the enthusiasm a bit – the slightly frazzled momma beast is showing through.
Sustainable living
Cohousing communities create opportunities for sustainable living in a variety of different ways:
• Most cohousing communities create an atmosphere of sustainable living simply in their design. Individual homes are often smaller than typical homes due to the availability of the common house – who needs a huge dining room when you can throw your dinner parties in the common house? A community kitchen, dining area, playroom, library, etc, all eliminate the need for excessive space in individual homes.
• Many cohousing communities are designed to discourage excessive use of cars.
• Many cohousing communities design their homes and buildings to use green/renewable energy sources, and to reduce energy consumption.
• Most cohousing communities use sustainable and/or recycled building materials in construction and/or renovation.
I’m sure there are roughly a bazillion more great benefits of cohousing, but I’m just going to leave you with these big ones that stuck out to me. This is not to say that cohousing doesn’t have its challenges. Virginia Lore, a resident of Duwamish Cohousing in Seattle Washington says, “The truest thing I know about living in cohousing is that it’s tough. The next truest thing is that it’s worth it. The tough-to-worth-it ratio changes daily”.
I think anything worth doing is going to have a tough-to-worth-it ratio that’s in constant flux, but I can see where cohousing might have some challenges that are, um, unique. It is hard for me to imagine coming to consensus on EVERY. SINGLE. THING. with a group of other people. And I’m sure conflicts arise when people are living such close and interconnected lives – and I’m also sure people have different ways of dealing with conflicts, which can cause more conflicts….. and so on, and so on. People have differing parenting styles, political views, and opinions about what kind of mulch the common house shrubbery is going to need. There are big differences and little differences, but I’m sure they are all significant. I’m sure there are challenges.
Despite that, I strongly suspect that the tough-to-worth-it ratio leans heavily toward worth-it a good chunk of the time. At any rate, I’d like to find out first hand.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Once Upon a More Embarrassing Time
It’s time for a fun story, wouldn’t you say? Here we go!
Now before I get started with my story, I feel the need to give a little background, lest you think I’m a total dumbass by the time I wrap this up. I do actually have some fairly decent reading comprehension skills, despite what you’re about to read.
Really, I do.
I swear.
I love to read. I’ve been reading since I was roughly 2 (so I’ve been told) and since then I’ve never slowed down. This year a message board I participate in is having a reading challenge. The challenge is to read 20,100 pages in 2010. At the rate I’m going, I should be done by September. And I’m a working momma. With a one year old who refuses to sleep. I just like to read a lot, and I’m lucky in that I’m a pretty quick reader and that reading comprehension comes pretty easy to me.
Honestly, I know how to read.
Really.
Okay, that’s enough background. Let the story commence!
Once upon a time (maybe 5-ish years ago?) I got into a reading rut and was looking for a new author to try. Why? you ask. Why not? Something new can be fun, right? You’ll never know unless you try. And so I went about my search for the perfect new author.
It occurred to me that in his writings, Stephen King had often praised the work of Peter Straub. I’d never read anything by Peter Straub, but I really enjoyed King’s stuff, so I figured, hey, maybe if Stephen King likes it, it’s pretty good. I decided to give it a go. I went out and bought my very first Peter Straub book – Ghost Story. I thought this would be a good one since it was very popular and well known, which tells me that a lot of other people have liked it. Lots of people liking a book = the book being pretty decent, most of the time.
I read it. It bored me stupid. It was a serious struggle to finish.
Now most of the rest of the world liked this, so I wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong with me. Maybe I was having a bad week? I didn’t know. I decided that I should give Straub another try, just in case I was having an off week or the book hit me wrong, or some other similar misunderstanding had occurred. I picked up another Peter Straub book, this one titled Floating Dragon. It wasn’t nearly as bad as Ghost Story. Not horrible, but nothing spectacular either, as far as I could see. Plus (and I’m sure this didn’t help things at all) it reminded me of the story line of another book that I’d read but that I had liked a lot better. *shrug* These things happen.
At this point I started to think that maybe I just didn’t like Peter Straub. Unfortunate, but it does happen. Doesn’t mean he’s a horrible author or that I’m a horrible reader. Sometimes things just don’t mesh, know what I mean? I gave up on him and moved right along to something else, giving myself lots of credit and pats on the back for at least trying, and for not giving up after just one book. Yay me! said the little cheerleader in my head, feeling quite relieved that I would never have to open another Peter Straub book, ever again.
Life continued, quite happily.
Then, one day, I went out during my neighborhood’s annual association garage sale. While picking through all of my neighbors’ books (what else are garage sales good for if not cheap books?), I found a hardback Peter Straub book for $.50. I figured, what the hell?, and decided to give it another go. If I didn’t like it I was just out $.50, and I’d sell the book next year at my own garage sale. That little cheerleader in my head was jumping up and down like I’d just discovered a cure for cancer. Whoo hoo! You’re trying again! You don’t have to, but you’re going to anyways! What a sport! said the little cheerleader. Rah, rah, sis boom bah! shouted the little cheerleader, while doing a snazzy little scissor kick.
I felt quite good about the whole thing.
I took the book home and commenced reading it. Here’s where things get complicated. You know how some books start off one chapter with one character and set of circumstances, then start the next chapter off with another character and set of circumstances, then somehow put them together further on down the line? This is what I was encountering.
Chapter 1: random characters with random circumstances.
Chapter 2: whole different set of characters with whole different set of random circumstances.
Chapter 3: yet another whole different set of characters with a whole different set of circumstances.
At this point I started to get a little worried. I could not, for the life of me, understand how he was going to get all these sets of characters together. I couldn’t figure out what they could possibly have in common or how they could be tied together. I was also having a hard time just following each individual story line – they seemed to be getting wrapped up at the end of each chapter and I couldn’t understand how they were going to keep going. I thought to myself, oh, dear god, is this a weird Peter Straub thing, or am I just too dumb to follow this? Then I thought to myself, he’d better start putting these people together pretty soon, or he’s going to lose me on this book too.
Then I thought to myself, this is so incredibly stupid. I am done.
Right at that moment, the little cheerleader we have come to know and love stepped in and told me, in no uncertain terms, that if I didn’t keep reading I’d never know how all these characters got together and then I’d be the stupid one for not even giving the character meeting a chance to work. Since she is not normally so firm or demanding, I listened carefully. I kept reading.
Chapter 4; new set of random characters, new set of random circumstances.
I finished the chapter. I looked at my book and thought, Seriously? WTF? I commenced reading chapter 5. You guessed it, new set of random characters, blah, blah blah. I did not finish this chapter. About 2 pages into the chapter I looked very seriously at my book, thinking, something is sooo not right here. Not wanting to disappoint my little cheerleader, I was determined to figure out why things seemed so off.
I examined the back cover very carefully.
And discovered that I was reading a book of short stories.
Which, looking back, pretty succinctly explained why each “chapter” was getting wrapped up at the end, and why none of the stories seemed like they were going to fit together.
*bangs head on desk* I don’t think I have ever felt stupider in my entire life, not even after telling the butter story and admitting that I kept dating the guy after that.
To this day, I have not read another Peter Straub book. This probably sounds stupid, but I’m too embarrassed to attempt it. Silly, I know. Peter Straub isn’t going to pop out of his book, pointing and laughing at me, and the librarian at the checkout probably isn’t a mind reader….. but still, I’m too embarrassed. I know what happened, and that’s been enough to scare me off. Not even my little cheerleader has encouraged the reading of more Peter Straub.
My cheeks are a little flushed just writing this right now.
*sigh*
I honestly can read, I swear.
Really.
Now before I get started with my story, I feel the need to give a little background, lest you think I’m a total dumbass by the time I wrap this up. I do actually have some fairly decent reading comprehension skills, despite what you’re about to read.
Really, I do.
I swear.
I love to read. I’ve been reading since I was roughly 2 (so I’ve been told) and since then I’ve never slowed down. This year a message board I participate in is having a reading challenge. The challenge is to read 20,100 pages in 2010. At the rate I’m going, I should be done by September. And I’m a working momma. With a one year old who refuses to sleep. I just like to read a lot, and I’m lucky in that I’m a pretty quick reader and that reading comprehension comes pretty easy to me.
Honestly, I know how to read.
Really.
Okay, that’s enough background. Let the story commence!
Once upon a time (maybe 5-ish years ago?) I got into a reading rut and was looking for a new author to try. Why? you ask. Why not? Something new can be fun, right? You’ll never know unless you try. And so I went about my search for the perfect new author.
It occurred to me that in his writings, Stephen King had often praised the work of Peter Straub. I’d never read anything by Peter Straub, but I really enjoyed King’s stuff, so I figured, hey, maybe if Stephen King likes it, it’s pretty good. I decided to give it a go. I went out and bought my very first Peter Straub book – Ghost Story. I thought this would be a good one since it was very popular and well known, which tells me that a lot of other people have liked it. Lots of people liking a book = the book being pretty decent, most of the time.
I read it. It bored me stupid. It was a serious struggle to finish.
Now most of the rest of the world liked this, so I wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong with me. Maybe I was having a bad week? I didn’t know. I decided that I should give Straub another try, just in case I was having an off week or the book hit me wrong, or some other similar misunderstanding had occurred. I picked up another Peter Straub book, this one titled Floating Dragon. It wasn’t nearly as bad as Ghost Story. Not horrible, but nothing spectacular either, as far as I could see. Plus (and I’m sure this didn’t help things at all) it reminded me of the story line of another book that I’d read but that I had liked a lot better. *shrug* These things happen.
At this point I started to think that maybe I just didn’t like Peter Straub. Unfortunate, but it does happen. Doesn’t mean he’s a horrible author or that I’m a horrible reader. Sometimes things just don’t mesh, know what I mean? I gave up on him and moved right along to something else, giving myself lots of credit and pats on the back for at least trying, and for not giving up after just one book. Yay me! said the little cheerleader in my head, feeling quite relieved that I would never have to open another Peter Straub book, ever again.
Life continued, quite happily.
Then, one day, I went out during my neighborhood’s annual association garage sale. While picking through all of my neighbors’ books (what else are garage sales good for if not cheap books?), I found a hardback Peter Straub book for $.50. I figured, what the hell?, and decided to give it another go. If I didn’t like it I was just out $.50, and I’d sell the book next year at my own garage sale. That little cheerleader in my head was jumping up and down like I’d just discovered a cure for cancer. Whoo hoo! You’re trying again! You don’t have to, but you’re going to anyways! What a sport! said the little cheerleader. Rah, rah, sis boom bah! shouted the little cheerleader, while doing a snazzy little scissor kick.
I felt quite good about the whole thing.
I took the book home and commenced reading it. Here’s where things get complicated. You know how some books start off one chapter with one character and set of circumstances, then start the next chapter off with another character and set of circumstances, then somehow put them together further on down the line? This is what I was encountering.
Chapter 1: random characters with random circumstances.
Chapter 2: whole different set of characters with whole different set of random circumstances.
Chapter 3: yet another whole different set of characters with a whole different set of circumstances.
At this point I started to get a little worried. I could not, for the life of me, understand how he was going to get all these sets of characters together. I couldn’t figure out what they could possibly have in common or how they could be tied together. I was also having a hard time just following each individual story line – they seemed to be getting wrapped up at the end of each chapter and I couldn’t understand how they were going to keep going. I thought to myself, oh, dear god, is this a weird Peter Straub thing, or am I just too dumb to follow this? Then I thought to myself, he’d better start putting these people together pretty soon, or he’s going to lose me on this book too.
Then I thought to myself, this is so incredibly stupid. I am done.
Right at that moment, the little cheerleader we have come to know and love stepped in and told me, in no uncertain terms, that if I didn’t keep reading I’d never know how all these characters got together and then I’d be the stupid one for not even giving the character meeting a chance to work. Since she is not normally so firm or demanding, I listened carefully. I kept reading.
Chapter 4; new set of random characters, new set of random circumstances.
I finished the chapter. I looked at my book and thought, Seriously? WTF? I commenced reading chapter 5. You guessed it, new set of random characters, blah, blah blah. I did not finish this chapter. About 2 pages into the chapter I looked very seriously at my book, thinking, something is sooo not right here. Not wanting to disappoint my little cheerleader, I was determined to figure out why things seemed so off.
I examined the back cover very carefully.
And discovered that I was reading a book of short stories.
Which, looking back, pretty succinctly explained why each “chapter” was getting wrapped up at the end, and why none of the stories seemed like they were going to fit together.
*bangs head on desk* I don’t think I have ever felt stupider in my entire life, not even after telling the butter story and admitting that I kept dating the guy after that.
To this day, I have not read another Peter Straub book. This probably sounds stupid, but I’m too embarrassed to attempt it. Silly, I know. Peter Straub isn’t going to pop out of his book, pointing and laughing at me, and the librarian at the checkout probably isn’t a mind reader….. but still, I’m too embarrassed. I know what happened, and that’s been enough to scare me off. Not even my little cheerleader has encouraged the reading of more Peter Straub.
My cheeks are a little flushed just writing this right now.
*sigh*
I honestly can read, I swear.
Really.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Norah cuteness *happy sigh*
My little Norah is obsessed with balls these days. She doesn't care what kind, what size, what color, she just wants to have a ball to play with. Aunt Michelle gave her a basketball for Christmas, which she loves. Grandma has a purple ball roughly half the size of Norah, which she still manages to toss around. She's also got tons of others at home.
So, we're at the grocery the other day and we're walking through the produce aisle. Suddenly, and without warning, Norah starts pointing frantically and shrieking "Ball! Ball!". I look over and what do I see? A giant display of oranges. The poor kid thought there were roughly 100 orange balls, neatly stacked up and ready for her to play with, and boy was she excited!
She was slightly disappointed when I didn't let her throw them around.
Slightly disappointed, but still very, very cute.
So, we're at the grocery the other day and we're walking through the produce aisle. Suddenly, and without warning, Norah starts pointing frantically and shrieking "Ball! Ball!". I look over and what do I see? A giant display of oranges. The poor kid thought there were roughly 100 orange balls, neatly stacked up and ready for her to play with, and boy was she excited!
She was slightly disappointed when I didn't let her throw them around.
Slightly disappointed, but still very, very cute.
Monday, January 25, 2010
So, is that, like, a commune? (Cohousing, part I)
So, we’ve been talking about cohousing lately.
Who’s we? My Tuesday-Nighters, naturally. Cuthbert, Lisey, Mia, Jack, and I particularly, but we’re open to others joining the conversation.
Background:
Before any of this ‘H became a mommy’ stuff happened, we started thinking about the idea of living more closely as a community. We’d been meeting pretty regularly for over 2 years at that point, and the idea of living closer together seemed like a natural next step.
Each and every time we spoke to someone about this, they would respond with, “So, is that, like, a commune?” And we would say something witty like, “yes, but without all the brainwashing,” because we really didn’t know what to call our idea, but we were pretty clear that it wasn’t a commune.
We looked into a few properties and eventually put our idea on hold mostly due to financial constraints and prior financial commitments of some of the members.
Fastforward, and here we are again. We’ve now been meeting regularly for something like 4 ½ years, and the desire for community and a way to live closer together has only grown. This time, Lisey went out and found lots of resources for us, and it turns out there are already people living this kind of lifestyle in the US. Apparently, they call it cohousing.
This is all great and wonderful for a variety of reasons, most notably that there is a wealth of experience we can now draw from in trying to sort this out. Most cohousing communities are open to visitors, and we’ve discovered that there are consultants and architects who work pretty much exclusively with cohousing communities. Whoo hoo! Now we’ve got something to go on!
Plus, we have an awesome new name for our idea. Instead of fumbling around with, “So, we want to live in the same place, but not all in the same room, but we want a common room – and a library!, but have our own space, but someone has to own the building and we don’t know how that works, but we’re all going to be really close neighbors, so, erm, yea, we want to have some sort of community,” now we go around saying things like, “Oh, yes, we’re very interested in the idea of cohousing.”
Which sounds much more sophisticated, and much less like we’re a spastic bunch of hippies, if you ask me.
And now people respond to us with, “So, is that, like, a commune?”
*bangs head on desk*
Anyway, it’s given me a little motivation to do a write up on cohousing. Perhaps writing this won’t make any of you, my dear readers, interested in co-housing, but it will give me something to go on the next time my grandma wants to know what I’m up to, or my boss expresses concern that I’ve joined a cult.
It’s not a cult. Really. We’re quite serious about making that clear.
We’ve gone so far as to have banned Kool-Aid.
Anyway, back to cohousing.
The idea of cohousing is essentially the idea of building a neighborhood on purpose. Jim Leach, a cohousing developer and builder, says, “…cohousing was very much resident driven: it is basically a group of people who want to design and build their own neighborhood and do a better job of it than conventional builders are doing.” Take your current living situation – your house or your condo or your apartment – and then imagine having meaningful relationships with the majority of your neighbors and having a shared common space for things like shared meals, events, etc. That’s the basic idea. Obviously, it’s a little more involved than that, but this is a good starting point.
Cohousing happens in all ways, shapes, and forms. Some communities choose to build new housing commodities from the ground up. Some retrofit existing structures. Some live in the country, some in the suburbs, and some in the city. Some co-exist with urban businesses; some are located on farmland. Regardless of when/where/how a cohousing community is built, there are some basic things that usually stay the same:
Cohousing communities provide private living space for residents. No, you do not have to share a bathroom with everyone on your block or building. Individuals and families have their own homes, whether in the forms of single family structures, condos, or rented apartments. Most cohousing communities also have a designated outdoor area that is private. For example, the back yard might be a private area, while the front yard is a public area. If you’re in your back yard, people generally leave you alone. If you’re in your front yard, they might stop to chat. Or, depending on the structure of the neighborhood, it might be the other way around. Either way, privacy is a part of the structure.
Cohousing communities provide shared living space for residents. What this shared living space will look like depends on the type of community you live in. Communities with a series of single-family structures usually have a common house which is a separate building with shared living space. Communities comprised of condos or apartments in a single or series of buildings might have a room or series of rooms dedicated to common space. Nearly all common houses (or common rooms) contain a shared kitchen and dining area. Community meals are popular among cohousing residents, and the shared kitchen and dining space facilitate this. Depending on the atmosphere of the community, shared living spaces could also include children’s playrooms, libraries, adult sitting rooms, entertainment rooms, or meeting rooms. Or whatever your community wants and can afford. Common spaces are typically maintained by the entire community and are paid for with dues paid by each resident.
In addition to indoor common areas, outdoor common areas are frequently seen in cohousing. Community gardens are common, along with community playgrounds and a community lawn for gathering. Of course, this is all dependent on what your community wants and is able to maintain.
Cohousing communities are developed with the participation of future residents. Future residents participate in planning and designing their community so that it meets their needs. Every group of people has a different group of needs. By participating in the planning of the community, cohousing communities are able to work to have their particular needs met.
Most cohousing communities operate by consensus. In other words, all the residents have to be on board with a plan (or at least not oppose it) in order to it to move forward. While this means lots of meetings and lots of debates, it also means that no one’s needs are ignored and that cohousers are typically awesome problem solvers.
Ok, that's going to be part I of my cohousing write up. I'll soon be back with part II, including some of the benefits of living in cohousing and some additional cohousing resources. I'll be back soon!
Who’s we? My Tuesday-Nighters, naturally. Cuthbert, Lisey, Mia, Jack, and I particularly, but we’re open to others joining the conversation.
Background:
Before any of this ‘H became a mommy’ stuff happened, we started thinking about the idea of living more closely as a community. We’d been meeting pretty regularly for over 2 years at that point, and the idea of living closer together seemed like a natural next step.
Each and every time we spoke to someone about this, they would respond with, “So, is that, like, a commune?” And we would say something witty like, “yes, but without all the brainwashing,” because we really didn’t know what to call our idea, but we were pretty clear that it wasn’t a commune.
We looked into a few properties and eventually put our idea on hold mostly due to financial constraints and prior financial commitments of some of the members.
Fastforward, and here we are again. We’ve now been meeting regularly for something like 4 ½ years, and the desire for community and a way to live closer together has only grown. This time, Lisey went out and found lots of resources for us, and it turns out there are already people living this kind of lifestyle in the US. Apparently, they call it cohousing.
This is all great and wonderful for a variety of reasons, most notably that there is a wealth of experience we can now draw from in trying to sort this out. Most cohousing communities are open to visitors, and we’ve discovered that there are consultants and architects who work pretty much exclusively with cohousing communities. Whoo hoo! Now we’ve got something to go on!
Plus, we have an awesome new name for our idea. Instead of fumbling around with, “So, we want to live in the same place, but not all in the same room, but we want a common room – and a library!, but have our own space, but someone has to own the building and we don’t know how that works, but we’re all going to be really close neighbors, so, erm, yea, we want to have some sort of community,” now we go around saying things like, “Oh, yes, we’re very interested in the idea of cohousing.”
Which sounds much more sophisticated, and much less like we’re a spastic bunch of hippies, if you ask me.
And now people respond to us with, “So, is that, like, a commune?”
*bangs head on desk*
Anyway, it’s given me a little motivation to do a write up on cohousing. Perhaps writing this won’t make any of you, my dear readers, interested in co-housing, but it will give me something to go on the next time my grandma wants to know what I’m up to, or my boss expresses concern that I’ve joined a cult.
It’s not a cult. Really. We’re quite serious about making that clear.
We’ve gone so far as to have banned Kool-Aid.
Anyway, back to cohousing.
The idea of cohousing is essentially the idea of building a neighborhood on purpose. Jim Leach, a cohousing developer and builder, says, “…cohousing was very much resident driven: it is basically a group of people who want to design and build their own neighborhood and do a better job of it than conventional builders are doing.” Take your current living situation – your house or your condo or your apartment – and then imagine having meaningful relationships with the majority of your neighbors and having a shared common space for things like shared meals, events, etc. That’s the basic idea. Obviously, it’s a little more involved than that, but this is a good starting point.
Cohousing happens in all ways, shapes, and forms. Some communities choose to build new housing commodities from the ground up. Some retrofit existing structures. Some live in the country, some in the suburbs, and some in the city. Some co-exist with urban businesses; some are located on farmland. Regardless of when/where/how a cohousing community is built, there are some basic things that usually stay the same:
Cohousing communities provide private living space for residents. No, you do not have to share a bathroom with everyone on your block or building. Individuals and families have their own homes, whether in the forms of single family structures, condos, or rented apartments. Most cohousing communities also have a designated outdoor area that is private. For example, the back yard might be a private area, while the front yard is a public area. If you’re in your back yard, people generally leave you alone. If you’re in your front yard, they might stop to chat. Or, depending on the structure of the neighborhood, it might be the other way around. Either way, privacy is a part of the structure.
Cohousing communities provide shared living space for residents. What this shared living space will look like depends on the type of community you live in. Communities with a series of single-family structures usually have a common house which is a separate building with shared living space. Communities comprised of condos or apartments in a single or series of buildings might have a room or series of rooms dedicated to common space. Nearly all common houses (or common rooms) contain a shared kitchen and dining area. Community meals are popular among cohousing residents, and the shared kitchen and dining space facilitate this. Depending on the atmosphere of the community, shared living spaces could also include children’s playrooms, libraries, adult sitting rooms, entertainment rooms, or meeting rooms. Or whatever your community wants and can afford. Common spaces are typically maintained by the entire community and are paid for with dues paid by each resident.
In addition to indoor common areas, outdoor common areas are frequently seen in cohousing. Community gardens are common, along with community playgrounds and a community lawn for gathering. Of course, this is all dependent on what your community wants and is able to maintain.
Cohousing communities are developed with the participation of future residents. Future residents participate in planning and designing their community so that it meets their needs. Every group of people has a different group of needs. By participating in the planning of the community, cohousing communities are able to work to have their particular needs met.
Most cohousing communities operate by consensus. In other words, all the residents have to be on board with a plan (or at least not oppose it) in order to it to move forward. While this means lots of meetings and lots of debates, it also means that no one’s needs are ignored and that cohousers are typically awesome problem solvers.
Ok, that's going to be part I of my cohousing write up. I'll soon be back with part II, including some of the benefits of living in cohousing and some additional cohousing resources. I'll be back soon!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2009 Quote Review
It's time for an annual quote review. Here are the best from 2009!
“Webbed toes are not cute on babies.” ~ J
“The throat opens up like Rosie O’Donnell eating a cake.” ~ Cuthbert
“Speaking of wanton destruction….” ~ Cuthbert
“I don’t want to be God. I don’t even want to be a supervisor.” ~ H
“One fish, two fish, red fish, jaded fish.” ~ Cuthbert
“Mount Rushmore looks just like that, except it’s huge and it’s not made of cheese.” ~ Seth
“It’s basically like Star Wars outlining the fall of the Roman Empire.” ~ J
“Gay card beats woman card.” ~ Cuthbert
“Balls is not a verb, just for the record.” ~ H
“Your body is not like toast; you can spread cold butter on your body.” ~ Betty
“It might be good to date someone who’s not, like, a flaky toolbag.” ~ Cuthbert
“Momma, I have your nipple covers!” ~ Little Miss L
“I kind of just want to poke a Quaker, to see what they do.” ~ Mia
“You should really ask permission before you set yourself on fire in someone else’s apartment.” ~ H
Jack: You know, Christian groups are always getting all kinds of free property. That’s what we need to do.
H: We need to become Christians?
Jack: No, we need to get shit for free.
“I am totally not chasing fire trucks to find our new house.” ~ Lisey
“When someone can look you in the eyes and say, ‘Me too,’ and they actually mean it – it can save you.” ~ Rob Bell, Jesus Wants to Save Christians
“Corn fields are the scariest things on the entire fucking face of the planet.” ~ Douglas Coupland, Generation A
You may notice that the list seems a litle shot this year - its kinda hard to get in on the action where the good quotes are happening when one has a newborn. Next year, we're going all out.
Enjoy!
“Webbed toes are not cute on babies.” ~ J
“The throat opens up like Rosie O’Donnell eating a cake.” ~ Cuthbert
“Speaking of wanton destruction….” ~ Cuthbert
“I don’t want to be God. I don’t even want to be a supervisor.” ~ H
“One fish, two fish, red fish, jaded fish.” ~ Cuthbert
“Mount Rushmore looks just like that, except it’s huge and it’s not made of cheese.” ~ Seth
“It’s basically like Star Wars outlining the fall of the Roman Empire.” ~ J
“Gay card beats woman card.” ~ Cuthbert
“Balls is not a verb, just for the record.” ~ H
“Your body is not like toast; you can spread cold butter on your body.” ~ Betty
“It might be good to date someone who’s not, like, a flaky toolbag.” ~ Cuthbert
“Momma, I have your nipple covers!” ~ Little Miss L
“I kind of just want to poke a Quaker, to see what they do.” ~ Mia
“You should really ask permission before you set yourself on fire in someone else’s apartment.” ~ H
Jack: You know, Christian groups are always getting all kinds of free property. That’s what we need to do.
H: We need to become Christians?
Jack: No, we need to get shit for free.
“I am totally not chasing fire trucks to find our new house.” ~ Lisey
“When someone can look you in the eyes and say, ‘Me too,’ and they actually mean it – it can save you.” ~ Rob Bell, Jesus Wants to Save Christians
“Corn fields are the scariest things on the entire fucking face of the planet.” ~ Douglas Coupland, Generation A
You may notice that the list seems a litle shot this year - its kinda hard to get in on the action where the good quotes are happening when one has a newborn. Next year, we're going all out.
Enjoy!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunflowers
i long to be
a candle, flickering in the dark
settled in the shadowed corner
a servant of
the God of the Dark Places
the God of raves and tattoo parlors;
of bar stools and smoke-filled back rooms
i long to be
a flame, fanned by the whispers
of the dark of night
an expression of one
who made beauty out of blood,
Redemption out of Death;
who spoke into the dark to create
i long to be
the salve on the self-inflicted wound
soothing the need for pain
a remnant of one
from which beauty creeps
infusing the broken and bleeding,
defiling the Sabboth with healing
i ache to be
the tool of a heartbroken God
whose tired sighs call me to action
a weeping Christ
who looks into the tomb
and grieves while he heals,
who honors our struggles with tears
i ache to be
an expression of love
for one whose being is love
a flickering flame
for the desperate and damaged,
the addicted and abandoned;
the ones who are just like me
i long to belong
to the God of the Dark Places
a candle, flickering in the dark
settled in the shadowed corner
a servant of
the God of the Dark Places
the God of raves and tattoo parlors;
of bar stools and smoke-filled back rooms
i long to be
a flame, fanned by the whispers
of the dark of night
an expression of one
who made beauty out of blood,
Redemption out of Death;
who spoke into the dark to create
i long to be
the salve on the self-inflicted wound
soothing the need for pain
a remnant of one
from which beauty creeps
infusing the broken and bleeding,
defiling the Sabboth with healing
i ache to be
the tool of a heartbroken God
whose tired sighs call me to action
a weeping Christ
who looks into the tomb
and grieves while he heals,
who honors our struggles with tears
i ache to be
an expression of love
for one whose being is love
a flickering flame
for the desperate and damaged,
the addicted and abandoned;
the ones who are just like me
i long to belong
to the God of the Dark Places
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