My Resolution

Two Thousand Seventeen is the year I resolve

to boldly go to the places our culture tries to keep in the shadows

to walk into accepting myself

to reject the million and one tiny ways a man’s world holds women back

2017 is the year I stop apologizing

for self care

for the way my body looks

for my thighs not fitting into my jeans, for there’s no such thing as ‘too many deadlifts’, or ‘too strong of a woman’

for not stepping on the scale

for requiring western medicine, and full access to it, for my best health

for not wanting more babies; for understanding my limits on caring for children

for standing up for other women’s limits on caring for children

for being an introvert

for being an atheist

for requiring time away from my children

for looking at my phone, and the information I keep on it, and the relationships that I have from long late-night messaging

2017 is the year

I will lay in bed for hours with my 8-year-old, watching Doctor Who

I will play Mario Brothers on the Wii unabashedly with my 3 year old.

I will learn everything you ever wanted (or didn’t want) to know about Pokemon and the Power Rangers from my 5 year old.

In 2017 I will read, voraciously. Not because I’m ‘supposed to’, but because I like to read, and I deserve it

I will go to the gym, and lift heavy shit, and love every moment of it, even the moments that feel a little like death

not because I think it will make me thin

but because I know it will make me STRONG

This is the year I stop defending those guys I’ve ‘known forever’ who are ‘nice guys under it all’, who refuse to acknowledge women’s issues.

This is the year I will shout you down

I will scream as long as I have to

women’s rights are human rights

my best friend is a lesbian.

black lives matter

immigrants are people

rape culture is real

Our culture is built to accommodate white men,

and I will not apologize for smashing the cornerstone of that foundation

And yet, I will try to remember

that love wins

that there’s a last word, but there’s always a word after that

that the next generation is growing up kinder, more accepting, less tolerant of right wing bullshit

and soon they’ll be in charge

This year, I’ll marry any gay couple that asks me

as an act of love and service

and an act of resistance

In 2017, I will say “no” to more outside my home

I will remember that “no” is a complete sentence

I will unfollow that woman on the school facebook group who passive-aggressively shames everyone who isn’t signed up to pop school popcorn, as though she were Atlas, holding the world of popcorn on her shoulders

I will say “yes” to the things that make me happy.

to new friends

to old friends, rekindled, and those who have been along for the ride for all this time

to being alone when I’m burning out

to adventures with my kids (we’ll make a summer bucket list again!”)

to cheesecake

to having that show on netflix my hubby and I can’t watch without each other

to writing

to sewing

to comfortable shoes

In Two Thousand Seventeen, I will practice extending grace to myself

and try to treat myself like I would treat a beloved friend

I will invite friends in, even if I haven’t swept yet, because hospitality means inviting you into my life as it is

I will embrace that vulnerability, because that’s where connection happens

I will give myself permission to distance myself from harmful people

and I won’t feel bad about it

In this great year,

I will love myself well

I will love my family well

I will fight for the people I love

and the ideals I uphold

In 2017, I’ll be afraid, but I’ll know that fear is ok as long as you face it

I will rise up against it, and be the best self I can be