Baby Miles: A Birth Story

Baby is here!  The following birth story contains all the gory details, so proceed at your own risk.  Here goes:

I am pleased to announce the arrival of

Miles Daniel

Born on November 12, 2011 at 10:20 am.

8lbs, 6oz

21.5 inches long

I had begun having random bouts of regular contractions for periods of time in the weeks before my due date.  I was a little surprised when my due date came and went and I was still pregnant, but I had been feeling pretty good and decided to use the extra time to get things done around the house and relax with Norah. 

I had a routine appointment with my midwife on November 10, where my blood pressure was very high (something like 150 over 97).  Lying on my side for awhile didn’t help it to go down at all, and then it also turned out that there was protein in my urine that day.  These symptoms together usually mean pre-eclampsia, so I was very upset.  Pre-eclampsia often means immediate induction of labor, which I really did not want to do, and would also risk me out of being able to birth at the birthing center, which we had been planning on.  I had bloodwork drawn and went home with an appointment scheduled for the next day.

At that point, I was hopeful that I might go into labor that night and that I might be able to get my blood pressure low enough to still use the birth center if I could get into the tub they had there (immersion in water often lowers blood pressure, at least temporarily).  I was post dates, had been having contractions on and off for awhile, and had my membranes stripped at my appointment, so I thought it was at least possible.  I went and met with a friend for awhile that evening, went to the store and got black cohosh to take to hopefully help me go into labor, got some additional herbs for blood pressure help, and went home to, erm, spend some time with D.  We went to bed around 1 am and I was having pretty good contractions every 8-9 minutes.

 I woke up about 4:00 am not in labor at all and I was very disappointed.  I started having some contractions around 4:45 am that got to about 5 minutes apart, and that lasted until about 7:00, when they slowed down.  I continued having contractions anywhere from 7-10 minutes apart until about 1:00 that afternoon when they more or less stopped.  By 2:30, I needed to leave home for my appointment with my midwife.  I decided to take everything I had packed for the birth, knowing that it was unlikely that I wouldn’t be diagnosed with pre-eclampsia, and that if I were diagnosed I would likely be admitted to the hospital immediately.  Norah went home with my mom, and D and I headed to Auburn for the appointment.

At my appointment I found that my blood pressure was even higher than the previous day, I had more protein in my urine than the previous day, and the bloodwork from the previous day didn’t look good.  I was diagnosed with mild pre-eclampsia and sent up to registration at DeKalb Health.  I was admitted and placed on blood pressure medication.  Later in the evening I was given ¼ tablet of cytotec to start the labor induction.  The plan was to receive 4 doses of cytotec, 3 hours apart and hope that it would cause me to go into labor.  If the cytotec did not work, then I would need pitocin, which would require me to have an IV and additional monitoring, which I really did not want.  As it was I already had to have a fetal monitor on, which was really getting on my nerves.  It kept losing the baby and having to be adjusted, and it made it uncomfortable to try and sleep.

During the night I felt very frustrated at being at the hospital and everything that had happened.  Here we had planned to birth at the birthing center where I don’t think they even have a fetal monitor belt, and where we could do pretty whatever we wanted regarding our birth.  Now I was hooked up to a machine and had to tell someone whenever I needed to pee, waiting for a pill to kick in so I could have my baby.  I was not impressed. 

We had also planned for Norah to be able to be with us at the birthing center, which had toys for her to play with, cozy rooms for her to hang out wherever she wanted to, etc.  Being at the hospital would make that much more difficult since there was really nowhere to go if she didn’t want to be right in the room with us, and since it really wasn’t cozy at all.  As it turned out, the labor happened too quickly for us to even call for her to be brought up to the hospital, and that’s something I feel really sad about.  I don’t like the way our family was split up for so much of the time we spent at the hospital and I really wish we had been able to use the birthing center like we had originally planned.

I received the final dose of cytotec around 6:30 am, and at some point started having a few contractions.  They weren’t really catching my attention much because they weren’t very painful – I’d been having worse ones at home – so I didn’t pay much attention to them.  About 8:45 the contractions started to get more intense and started coming much closer together.  I felt like labor was getting underway, which was great – no pitocin, and so far no annoying IV! 

I was surprised how the contractions were all of the sudden pretty difficult, and had D call my sister Michelle and tell her she should head up to the hospital as I felt I would need support from both of them very soon.  The nurse taking care of me came in while I was having a contraction and told me that Stephanie (my midwife) would be there in about an hour to hour and a half and asked if I wanted her to come sooner.  I said I did, so she called her and asked her to come right away.  My plan was to wait for my sister and midwife to arrive, then to get checked and see how I was progressing.  Then based on that, I would decide when to call my friend Carissa to come to the hospital and my parents to ask them to bring Norah up.  Carissa had agreed to be with Norah during the birth and was still planning on helping us with that if Norah wanted to be present.  If not, she could take her to the waiting room or leave with her, depending on what she felt Norah needed.

By 9:00 I was getting very worried because the contractions were difficult for me to get through.  I knew that my previous labor had lasted around 19 hours and I didn’t see how I was going to get through 19 hours of these really intense contractions, especially if they got more difficult.  I didn’t remember them being so hard so early on with my previous labor and wondered if my perception of my labor with Norah was off.  Several times I asked D to talk me down because I was afraid I wouldn’t make it through the whole labor at that rate.  I kept saying, “I can’t do this for 12 more hours.  I can’t do this for 12 more hours,” and telling him I was afraid.  He did a great job helping me feel less afraid and getting through each contraction.  I wanted to ask for drugs, but I realized that no one here had my birth plan and they might actually bring me drugs, which wasn’t truly what I wanted.  It occurred to me that I sounded more like someone close to transition than early labor, but I thought it was because of the cytotec.  I was absolutely not going to let myself think that my labor could be short, because then if it wasn’t, I would never make it through. 

Very shortly I started feeling like I needed to pee.  I kept unplugging the fetal monitor (I needed it due to the cytotec and my blood pressure) and going into the bathroom to sit on the toilet, but I wasn’t getting any pee to come out, just a bunch of bloody show.  The nurse came in after a bit and asked me if perhaps what I felt was pressure from the baby.  I told her I had no idea, I just felt like I needed to pee.  She thought I should come out of the bathroom and get checked, so I did, and she said I was at 4-5.

By 9:45 or so I was having a very hard time not pushing with contractions.  I knew I wasn’t fully dialated, but I couldn’t figure out how to not push.  It just felt like that was what I needed to do.  At some point the nurse checked me and I was at 8 cm, which surprised me a lot since it had been such a short time since I was just at 4-5.

I’m not sure what time Stephanie arrived.  When she got there I was on hands and knees in the bed (which, actually, is how I spent large chunks of my labor with Norah, too), and she checked me.  I don’t think she said what I was at and I couldn’t pay attention enough to care.  I was feeling like if I could just get a 5 minute break from the contractions I could pull it together and get through the rest of them, but I just wasn’t getting a good break inbetween.  I was very overwhelmed.

Someone (Stephanie??) then suggested that I try lying on my side.  I did, and my leg kept getting a cramp in it, but it was working otherwise.  Very shortly I saw that Stephanie was putting on the delivery gloves and smock, and then nurses started putting pads underneath me.  This is when it hit me that I was going to have the baby very soon and that my labor was just going to be really short.  Apparently I really had been pushing the baby down all this time and he was close to being born.  Nothing had really changed about how my contractions felt or how I was handling them for some time, so I just kept pushing with them because that’s what I felt like.

Very soon after this somebody asked me if I wanted a mirror.  I almost said no because I was so focused on just getting through the labor, but I remembered that I had said no with my previous birth and then later wished that I had gotten one, so I said yes.  One of the nurses brought the mirror in and set it up so I could see the baby starting to crown.  Stephanie said, “Look, there’s your baby”, and I was like, “Oh, he’s really right there already?!?”.    She said that, yes, he was right there, and he was ready to be born. 

 Very soon after this she asked D if he wanted to come and catch the baby, so he went to help her while a nurse stayed with me to help me labor.  Michelle arrived a few minutes later and took over for the nurse.  Baby’s head was halfway out when she came into the room.  My water broke at some point while I was pushing out his head, but I don’t remember when.  I was able to see his head being born via the mirror they had set up, and that was pretty cool.

Pretty soon his head was out and Stephanie started unwrapping the cord from around his neck.  It seemed like she was doing this forever, and it turned out it had been wrapped 4 times, which surprised us all.  Once that was done it took a few more pushes to get his body out, and D put him onto my belly.  He was really blue, and even though I know babies often come out blue, for some reason this got me a little panicked, I think maybe because he was so still.  He was being rubbed down with towels on my belly and pretty soon he pinked up and moved around and I felt so much better.  I held him for awhile and I remember talking to him, but not what I said.  I was so happy and just overwhelmed with how perfect he was and how wonderful it was to have him earthside.  I was really thrilled to be so coherent and happy right at this moment because I had been so disoriented in the hour or so right after Norah’s  birth and I don’t feel like I got to have this sweet moment with her right away.

Pretty soon I delivered the placenta and tried to nurse the baby, but he wasn’t very interested.  Stephanie checked and found I had no tears or anything that needed repair, so that was good.  I had my sister call Carissa and I called my parents so that they and Norah could be the first ones to come and meet him.  I still feel really badly that Norah and Carissa missed the birth, but there’s no way we could have known he would be born so fast.

I stayed at the hospital for the full two days after the birth on account of my blood pressure not stabilizing very well.   At the moment I’m still taking some blood pressure medication, and I have to check in with Stephanie once a week until it gets back to normal.  She said this could take up to 6 weeks, although I’m feeling really good, so I’m hopeful that it won’t take that long.

I’m also working through my disappointment at not being able to birth at the birthing center.  I’m a bit surprised that I’m not more upset than I am, but I’m feeling ok about it.  I’m obviously bummed out that we didn’t get to have the birth center experience, and I really wish things had turned out differently.  The main things I’m upset about are not getting to have the spontaneous labor experience, having to use the fetal monitor the whole time, Norah and Carissa not being with us, and my family being so split up for the days I was at the hospital.

However, I understand why we couldn’t use the birth center and I am thankful that we had access to a hospital where we were able to birth without a lot of interventions and where the staff were supportive of the kind of birth we were trying to achieve.  I’m very thankful that Stephanie gave me options for induction that were gentler than typical hospital inductions (I found out later breaking my water would have been another option before resorting to pitocin) and that I was given as many choices along the way as possible.  I also realize that policies like the one that risked me out of the birth center are an integral part of what make birth centers safe options.  Pre-eclamptic people shouldn’t be birthing in places without access to continuous monitoring or emergency medical care.  By eliminating as many risks as possible, the birth center ensures that the people who do birth there are safe.

I don’t know why I developed pre-eclampsia.  I know that high blood pressure is common in my family, so I wonder if that is a factor.  Stephanie also wondered if the cord being wrapped up so many times may have contributed to my high blood pressure.  I wasn’t sure how that could be related, but she said if the cord had too much pressure on it or was constricted when baby was trying to drop, it could have restricted the amount of oxygen he was getting, and that my body may have compensated by pumping a lot of extra blood.  I don’t really know a lot about blood pressure or how oxygen makes its way through the cord, so I really have no idea.  Stephanie did say that she felt future pregnancies would be safe for me on account of not having had it in my first pregnancy and it developing so late in this one.  I’m not sure if we will have more children or not, but I’m glad that I have it as a safe option.

We are all home now and doing well.  I feel really good aside from minor soreness and general newborn-at-home tiredness.  Norah absolutely loves her little brother – the very first thing she did this morning was to find him and give him a kiss.  Dan is off work for the rest of this week, so we are spending some time together as a family of 4.  Overall, life is pretty good around here.

Crockpot Yogurt!

Every couple of months or so, someone sends me an email or a message on Facebook that looks something like this:


"Hey, don't you make your own yogurt?  What's that all about?  Do you have a recipe I can use?"


I have to say, it is actually pretty cool to be known around town for your mad yogurt making skills (humble, yes, I am so, so humble), but I since I always end up typing the recipe back up and then going on and on with yogurt tips, I figured it might be a good idea to just stick up a blog post about it.  Then I can link to it if anyone ever asks me about the crockpot yogurt again (which, in accordance with Murphy's Law, will probably never happen again).


First, let me say that crockpot yogurt is not my original idea.  I got the idea from the extremely fabulous blog, A Year of Slow Cooking.  In addition to crockpot yogurt, this blog has some great crockpot recipes which you can literally use every day of the year.  Good stuff.  At any rate, here's a link to the original blog post that got me yogurt-making.


Now, you certainly can just follow the instructions in this blog and... wha-la!  you will have delicious crockpot yogurt.  Just click on that link above and go to town.  I have made it this way with no problems, and it has turned out just great!


I do have a different way of making yogurt in the crockpot which I prefer because it eliminates the several hour waiting period of heating up and cooling down the milk before adding the rest of the ingredients.  I like to do it this way because then I don't have to think about making yogurt until maybe an hour before bed.  Both methods (the blog one and the one I am about to post) work well.  I don't notice a difference in the quality of yogurt or in success in making it, so feel free to use either method without worry.  This is just the method that I prefer.  Here is my preferred recipe:


Ingredients:

• 8 cups (half-gallon) milk - whole milk works best, and you don't want the ultra-pasturized stuff
• 1/2 cup live/active culture yogurt
• 1/4 cup honey (optional)
• 1 TBSP vanilla (optional)
• Thick bath towel

Instructions:

• Turn empty 4 qt crockpot on low
• In a saucepan on the stove bring milk to 190 degrees Fahrenheit (I use a candy thermometer to keep track of the temperature)
• Immediately place the whole pot in a cool water bath (I use cold water in my sink) and let the milk cool to 110 degrees F.
• Mix in yogurt, honey, and vanilla
• Dump everything into the crockpot
• Turn off the crockpot, wrap it up in a thick bath towel, and let it sit for 8-12 hours.
• Eat yogurt!

It really is that simple.  And that delicious.  Mmmmmm....

So here are my random crockpot yogurt tips:

• The higher the fat content of your milk, the better and thicker your yogurt will turn out.  I always use whole milk.  Yes, that means you are eating more fat, but guess what!  It's nice, happy, healthy fat.  And you get to control how much sugar is in it.  And I think sugar is way worse on our bodies than animal fats, so I'm not terribly worried about the fatty yogurt.  It makes me happy.
  
• I've read mixed reports on using different types of milk (as in, not animal milks).  My understanding is that you can't do this with soy milk.  I have no idea why or what kinds of milk it does or does not work with.  Cow milk - yes.  Goat milk - yes.  Anything else?  You may want to Google it.
  
• Rumor has it you can buy yogurt cultures from health food or whole food stores.  I don't know how to use these, but they are an option if you prefer not to have to have random 1/2 cups of store bought yogurt around in order to make your yogurt.  Again, Google can probably be your friend on this one.
  
• In the summer when I run the air conditioner, my yogurt doesn't turn out very well.  I suspect that it cools down too quickly with the air blowing into the kitchen.  I have been told that putting the whole crock, towel and all, into the oven and shutting the door will take care of this problem.  I haven't tried it yet, but I will next time I make it.
  
• If you would like thicker yogurt, you can add one more step at the end and strain it through cheesecloth.  I usually get an enormous bowl, stick a collander in it, put the cheesecloth on top of that, and pour the yogurt in.  When it is the thickness I want it, I scoop it out and put it away.  The stuff that strains out of the yogurt is whey, and it has lots of super-good bacteria and healthy goodness in it.  You can substitute whey for water in pretty much any baking recipe, so I usually make whey bread when I make yogurt.  It's also good for plants, so you could water some plants with it if you like.
  
• If you do decide to strain your yogurt, you will want to refridgerate it for a few hours to let it set up.  Otherwise, when you strain it to the thickness you like and then put it in the fridge, it will thicken up even further and you may end up with something resembling cream cheese (not that that has ever happened to me.....).  It does set up a bit when it gets cold, so let it cool before straining.
  

And that may be all I know about yogurt making.  I tend to eat the yogurt with either frozen fruit, preserves I've made, or homemade granola.  Or all of those.  At once.  Slightly delicious.

If anyone tries this and comes up with good tips, let me know and I'll add them to this post.  Until then...  happy yogurt making!

Reflections on Easter: The Jesus story, zombie faith issues, and the unlikely victory of Icarus

There’s no promise of safety on these secondhand wings/ but I’m willing to find out what impossible means / Climb though the heavens on feathers and dreams / cause the melting point of wax means nothing to me
~ The Melting Point of Wax; Thrice



So, it’s happened again. Easter time has snuck up on me, and now that I’ve taken a moment to think about it, it’s difficult for me to know what to make of it. Those of you who know me well know that Christian holidays have been difficult for me since I left the church several years ago. I never know what to do with Easter – not celebrating it doesn’t feel like an option. I’d be opting out of multiple family gatherings, and for what? A defense of my belief system? My belief system doesn’t permit me to hurt people I love just so I can be ‘right’. But celebrating often feels like a giant hypocrisy, because I don’t believe in the Easter story. Or, more accurately, I’m not sure whether I believe in the Easter story and I’m not overly concerned with figuring that out right now.

More on that in a moment.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Jesus story lately, probably in large part because I just finished reading Rob Bell’s new book, Love Wins. It’s been prompting me to think deeply about the loss of my faith and about leaving the church, which are both fairly unpleasant topics, but both important.

There are things no one tells you about what it is to lose one’s faith. Holidays have been hard for me over the past several years for the same reason Easter feels difficult this year. And there is a profound loneliness involved in losing one’s church and god. I remember very clearly reading Coupland’s Eleanor Rigby around the time this all went down for me, and being profoundly impacted by the strong focus it had on human loneliness. Leaving the church was a deeply thought out, very difficult decision. It had become apparent that the Jesus story I was reading in the Gospels wasn’t the Jesus story I was being preached from the pulpit (and yes, I tried many pulpits). I came to realize I didn’t actually believe the same things the Church believed, even though we were reading the same text (and for this I say, Rob Bell, I feel your pain, man.) I didn’t feel I had a choice but to leave – staying was a lie. But being without the church community you have relied on for years is harrowing. It is heartbreaking, soul-sucking loneliness. It is constantly questioning yourself, never feeling sure of anything, always feeling on the outside and never understanding exactly why. Not exactly pleasant, I’m sure you can imagine.



Church communities, as it turns out, can be replaced. Cuthbert and I have since somehow managed to build a vibrant, healthy community we rely heavily on, and that I’m honestly not sure I could survive without. We have Christians, atheists, agnostics, pagans… anyone who can live with our adherence to creating a safe space for people to live in community. Gods, though… well, they’re not very replace-able. I will never forget reading the passage of Eleanor Rigby in which one of the characters describes what it is about zombies that is so frightening…. the way they have no souls, and have lost their connection to the divine. I felt that so strongly, that loss of a connection to the divine. To this day, I have never felt lonelier or more lost than I did during those first few months without a god.



And so, it turns out that reading Rob Bell around Easter time is basically stirring a giant pot in my head, for reasons that should be obvious at this point.

I like the Jesus story that Rob Bell seems to read when he reads the Gospels. It isn’t at all unlike the Jesus story I thought I was reading.

The Jesus story – the one you get if you read the Gospels as a story, not the one the church lays out in rigid dogma and single verses and alliterated fill-in-the-blanks – is beautiful. It is the story of a man who breaks all the rules in order to love people he isn’t ‘supposed to’ love. This is a man who answers questions with questions, who consistently questions authority and challenges religious leaders. He is a gifted storyteller who consistently finds himself in community, eating with others, walking with others, talking with others, drinking wine. He’s celebrating with people, hurting with people, and loving the people on the fringes right where they are. He does quiet contemplation and angry outbursts, celebrating with people he loves and weeping for losses. He is genuine and human in a way most people cannot be. Injustices piss him off.

He says, in essence, over and over again, “I don’t care what you think the rules say I am or am not supposed to do. This is what I’m going to do because this is what love looks like. I will defile your Sabbath, because the very idea that I cannot heal (read: love) people because of your rules defiles everything I am.” And if you read the story as a story, sometimes you can almost hear the quiet sighs as he realizes, once again, no one is ‘getting it’.

It is a beautiful story. There is absolutely no denying that.

I don’t know if it is true or not, but it is a beautiful story.



All of this makes me think of Icarus. Random, I know, but this will all make sense in a moment. In the event that you are not familiar with the story of Icarus, here’s a quick rundown: Icarus and his dad are imprisoned at Crete as punishment for royally pissing off King Minos (pun intended). Icarus’ dad comes up with a brilliant plan to create two pairs of wings out of feathers and wax so that they can fly off the island and escape. There are a few issues with the wings though: they can’t fly too close to the sea, or the feathers will get wet and weighed down, and they’ll fall into the sea and drown. They also can’t fly too close to the sun or the wax will melt, the feathers will fall off, and they’ll fall into the sea and drown. Cheery stuff. Icarus curiously soars toward the sun, and realizes only as his feathers fall off that he has flown too high. He falls into the sea, et cetera, et cetera.



This is Cuthbert’s favorite story of Greek mythology. He reads it, and in it he finds something beautiful – that Icarus flew toward the sun, testing his limits, and truly living, not settling for mediocrity, but flying as high as he could. Cuthbert finds victory in the melted wax, and the fluttering feathers, and, well, that nasty bit about falling into the sea. There’s a song about Icarus, The Melting Point of Wax, that makes the points I always have such a hard time explaining about this story. It’s a song about refusing to accept limits without testing them ourselves, about refusing promises of safety in exchange for making ourselves smaller, about taking leaps of faith in ourselves. It’s essentially the dirty rocker boy version of Defying Gravity from Wicked, only about Icarus instead of a green witch. (Yes, that sentence made complete sense to me. Really.) I’m a fan of the dirty rocker boys.

When Cuthbert tells us the story of Icarus, or when I hear that song, I cannot help but find the story to be beautiful. It simply is.

As far as I can tell, Cuthbert doesn’t believe that the story of Icarus actually happened. It’s a little bit out there, isn’t it? Very likely it isn’t true. But that has not stopped Cuthbert from loving this story, from finding the beauty in it, and in celebrating it whenever and wherever he can. The story being only a myth hasn’t stopped him from tattooing Icarus onto his chest. None of us think this is strange (us Tuesday Nighters, anyway). The beautiful things he has found in this story are worth celebrating, whether they really happened or not. The truths he finds in the story are central to what he strives to be, and so he owns them, and we own them with him.

There is no church of Icarus (at least that I know of) that will say Curthbert is a heretic for valuing the story without believing it is true. No one is going to tell Cuthbert he is going to hell for blasphemy in regards to his position on the story. No one will make religious assumptions about Cuthbert based on his love for this story. No one is going to do anything except listen to the story and decide for themselves whether they find it beautiful as well.

For that, I envy him. Loving the Jesus story always seems to come back to haunt me.

But anyway, back to Easter. That’s what this is all about, isn’t it?

I love the Jesus story. I really do. It’s up there with The Dark Tower for me, and for good reason. It is a beautiful story. I don’t know if it is true or not. To be honest (and I know this will get to some of you – I’m sorry) I don’t really care. I’m just not overly concerned with it at the moment; I find peace in not knowing. I also fail to understand why it matters whether it is true. I strive to live more like the Jesus story, not because of a religious conviction, not because I am afraid of hell (which I have not believed in for years), and not because I necessarily think it is a true story. I strive to live more like the Jesus story because it is a beautiful story, and it awakens a part of me that wants to live in a better way – much like the Icarus story does. And that, to me, is worth more than all the religious conviction, all the church community, all the promises of heaven in the world. I think that’s what stories like this are supposed to do. That’s why we love them.

And so I’ve decided to follow Cuthbert’s example. I am going to own this story as a story I love, as unapologetically as I can. Which, as discussed earlier, is a little bit more difficult than owning Icarus, but I’m going to try. According to the Easter story, Jesus was crucified on a Friday and rose from the dead on Sunday morning to redeem mankind and spread God’s love through the world. Good Friday has always been a day that has felt sad to me. I am going to mourn it, because that’s what feels right to me. And on Sunday I am going to celebrate, because I have the culmination of a beautiful story to celebrate.

Then on Monday, I am going to continue loving people as best as I possibly can, just as this story has always inspired me to try to do. I’m going to continue playing the role of storyteller whenever I can, live in community as best as I can, love the people who are hard to love as best as I can, and, in the words of Meghan, try to “go around making injustices my bitch”. Because that’s what the Jesus story inspires me to do.

Some people will call me a hypocrite, but the reality is that the only thing that colors my love of the story with something deemed hypocrisy is the modern Western Church’s idea that they have the market on how the story should be valued. I haven’t much cared what the modern Western Church has thought of me for some time now, so this shouldn’t be a problem.

It is a story I love. I am going to celebrate it. And if anyone has a problem with that, well, that’ll mean about as much to me as the melting point of wax.

Goals for 2011

Every year in January I come up with a list of things I’d like to do. Not ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ per se, but just stuff I need or want to do during that year. Sometimes I complete my goals, sometimes I don’t. But having them posted gives me something to go back to throughout the year when I’m trying to remember what in the world it was I wanted to do. And so, here are my goals for 2011:


Read some stuff

• Complete the Tuesday Night reading challenge of 17,000 pages for 2011
• Read these books:
• Til We Have Faces ~ C.S. Lewis
• The Stand ~ Stephen King
• As I Lay Dying ~ Faulkner
• The Lords of the Rings Series ~ Tolkien
• Outliers ~ Malcolm Gladwell
• Read whatever else I feel like.
• Keep a good record of what I’ve read so I can track my reading challenge.

Be healthier
Everyone wants to be healthier, right? So there’s some stuff I want to try:

• Reduce my consumption of these:
• Refined & added sugars
• Artificial sweeteners (i.e. Diet Coke – this is my major vice)
• Processed foods
• And since I’ve realized that fake food is just silly, let’s get rid of that too. It’s mostly gone from the house, but I think we need to purge the rest of it. Spray-on-butter, anyone? Seriously, what was I thinking?
• Oh, and I need to lose some weight. But that’s depressing, so we’re not going to talk about it today. 
• Continue hitting the gym twice a week. Since the time I spend on the elliptical constitutes a decent chunk of the actual amount of time I get to spend reading in any given week, I think I’ll be able to stay motivated.
• Milling various grains to bake bread with. This should be interesting, to say the least. But I’ve been reading that if you mill your own stuff you get a lot more nutrients and it tastes yummier. So I want to try some different grains this year and see what tastes the best and what bakes up nicely.
• Not being afraid of good fat. Eat butter. Lots of it. And eat other good stuff like coconut oil and tree nuts and animal fats. Keep pretend fats (hydrogenated and vegetable oils) out of the house.

Declutter, declutter, declutter. And declutter some more.
We have too much crap in our house. Some of it has to go! Here’s the plan:

• Go on a fabric no-buy for 2011. Ack! Rules for my fabric no-buy:
• Don’t buy random fabric. At all. No matter how cute it is, how cheap it is, or how great it *might* look on some future unforeseen project that I’ll likely never finish anyways.
• Buying fabric to finish a project I already started is ok.
• Notions to finish projects are ok
• Obviously, buying fabric and supplies to complete custom orders is ok.
• Work really hard on using up scraps this year. I’ve made a folder of good scrap projects, now I need to use it!
• Finish going through all the CDs and movies in our house, and get rid of most of them.
• One way or another, get rid of the piano in the garage
• Get rid of the rocking chair in the garage
• Take D’s grandma’s chair to be looked at. If it is salvageable, have it re-covered. If not, get rid of it.
• Decide what to do about D’s grandpa’s dresser. Re-finish it or get rid of it.
• Get rid of all the windows hanging out in the garage
• List and sell any photography equipment I'm not going to use

Community Goals

• Work with Cuthbert & Mia to finish vision/values documents for the Tet Cohousing group 
• Learn more about consensus based decision making, and implement it into our cohousing procedures
• Figure out how to successfully re-implement book club into Tuesday Nights. For some reason, our last 3 book club attempts have crumbled.

I think these all seem do-able. I guess we’ll see when 2012 rolls around what I was actually successful at!

2010 Book Review

This year I participated in a reading challenge on a message board I frequent. Our challenge this year was to read 20,100 pages. I don’t think anyone actually completed the challenge, which seemed totally do-able to me back in March but right now seems like a slightly insane goal for someone with a small child, a job, and a sewing gig on the side. I’m just past 17,000 pages so far, but I don’t think there’s any way I’ll catch up before the year is over. *shrug* Eh, there’s always next year!


Anyhow, as a result of participating in the challenge I actually kept pretty good track of what I read this year, and I’ve pulled out my favorite ten to give short reviews on. These aren’t listed in any particular order, so the ones at the bottom are as good ast he ones at the top!


My 10 Best Reads of 2010

Radical Homemakers: Reclaiming Domesticity From a Consumer Culture
By: Shannon Hayes
I loved this book so much I bought 3 copies to pass around. Radical Homemakers is divided into two sections, one about (for lack of a better term), the fall and rise of homemaking, and one that details the lives of several radical homemakers. Hayes does an excellent job of describing the shift from American households as units of production to that of consumption and states her case for why she believes that reclaiming our homes as units of production is key to helping us straighten out the modern mess we’ve found ourselves in (Obesity, anyone? Environmental destruction? Maybe a little consumerism?).

While I personally don’t think I’ll go to some of the lengths she describes in this book, it was very affirming to find that I’m not the only weirdo out there, doing things like making yogurt in my crockpot, canning from my garden, sewing my own diapers, or bartering for goods and services. Overall, a fantastic and inspiring read.


The Book Thief
By: Markus Zusak
“I guess humans like to watch a little destruction. Sand castles, houses of cards, that’s where they begin. Their great skill is their capacity to escalate.”

I am still trying to figure out who recommended this book to me! Either way, it was excellent. The Book Thief is narrated by Death (as a character) during Nazi Germany. While collecting souls, Death continually sees one particular little girl, a book thief, whose story we learn throughout the book. This is the kind of book that has both deep subtexts and a can’t-put-it-down-cause-I-gotta-know-what-happens plot with characters you can’t help but love. One of my favorite reads of the year.


Bodies In Motion And At Rest
By: Thomas Lynch
“The hypochondriac is therefore a hopeless case, whose illness (the fear of sickness and of death) is most often cured by sickness and death. ‘I told you so’ seems the haunting subtext of their funerals.”

I simply adore Thomas Lynch. As a poet and undertaker who isn’t actually all that far away (Michigan, I believe), he always makes the most unique and interesting observations about the human condition. His writing style is witty and humorous, which makes some of the topics he deals with every day much more bearable. Bodies In Motion And At Rest is a series of essays including observations about life, death, religion, the funeral industry, divorce, raising children, and, quite possibly my favorite, a hilarious poem about his fuming hatred for his son’s beloved cat, which begins, “One of these days she will lie there and be dead”.

In addition to this book, I also highly recommend Lynch’s other collection of essays, titled “The Undertaking”.


Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter
By: Seth Grahame-Smith
This book is hilarious! It reads as a biography of Abraham Lincoln, written after Lincoln’s “secret diaries” were bestowed on the author, and details the turn his life made toward vampire hunting after his mother’s death was caused by a vampire bite. The book follows the remainder of Lincoln’s life, describing factual events but attributing them to things related to vampire hunting. Loved it!


Juliet, Naked
By: Nick Hornby
I was surprised by how good this book was. I’ve always enjoyed Nick Hornby, but never like this. An aging former rock star, a devoted fan, and his inwardly lonely girlfriend all must sort out how to cope when the album Juliet, Naked is released. The album is essentially a demo version of Juliet, a prior album that an online community of fans have idolized. I love the way Hornby used the internet to fuel the events that take place in this book. There’s something about it that makes it feel like it is ours – our generation’s book, that is taking place in our generation’s world, and in our generation’s reality. The characters are lovable and all desperately flawed – which I suspect makes them all the more lovable. The story is meaningful in small ways - it isn’t going to change your life, but it does give you some things to think about and was also overall a pretty feel-good book.


The Twilight Series
By: Stephanie Meyer
So, not exactly one book, but a very good series. I initially started reading Twilight when I was pregnant with Norah and was put off by how ‘young adult’ it seemed (Erm... maybe because its a young adult book?). I, incidentally, went into labor the day I started the book and never picked it back up until late this year. But once I got started again, I couldn’t stop reading. I think once I accepted that it was going to be light reading and what I would call ‘fluff’, I got over myself and was able to just enjoy it. The romance in the story is nearly ridiculous and sickly-sweet at times, but still fun to read. It was also fun to see what vampire/werewolf ‘rules’ and legends came about in the story. A super quick and easy read, and it’s pretty fun.


The Things That Keep Us Here
By: Carla Buckley
This novel is the story of one family’s struggle for survival when bird flu becomes a pandemic of massive proportions. When I picked this up, I was prepared for disaster, The Stand style. This is not The Stand. By concentrating heavily on one family and their struggle for survival, the story became real in ways that were truly distressing. Imagine your dying neighbor leaving her baby at your doorstop and fighting amongst yourselves about whether to bring him in because you don’t know if he’s sick… and if he is, at least half of you will likely die with him. This is not a fun read, but it is a good read, if you can dig the difference. It’s a powerful look at humanity and what comes out in us when we’re forced into dire circumstances.


Fast Food Nation
By: Eric Schlosser
I don’t think I will ever eat at McDonald’s again. Even if I could stomach what I now know is in the food, my conscious won’t let me give them my money after Schlosser detailed the unethical business practices designed to oppress both employees and franchise owners. Fast Food Nation examines a variety of fast food chain practices, as well as food processing practices in America. This book particularly focused on the meat packing industry and the potato industry. Schlosser’s witty writing style made the grim news easier to read, but not necessarily easier to digest (pun definitely intended). A must read for anyone concerned about the food industry. Paired with Michael Pollan’s The Omnivore’s Dilemma (which closely examines the corn processing industry, among others), you will learn everything you ever wanted to know about fast food and processed food (except what the food companies refused to tell the authors, which is interesting in itself).


Water For Elephants
By: Sara Gruen
After his parents are killed in an auto accident one week before he’s scheduled to sit for his veterinary exam, Jacob Jankowski finds himself quite accidentally running away to join the circus. He eventually finds himself in charge of treating the animals in the circus, and in the middle of a love affair destined for disaster. It’s written mostly as a period circus piece, which I loved, and has an intriguing plot with characters that you’re rooting for desperately right up until the end. I don’t know that there was anything particularly deep or meaningful, but I really enjoyed this novel.


Full Dark, No Stars
By: Stephen King
Un-put-down-able. I finished this book in a day and a half, which for the pre-child me may not have said much, but for the mommy-Heather, is saying quite a lot. Four novellas show ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances and leave you wondering…. now, what would I have done? In typical King fashion, he captures what is truly scary…. us.


And there you have it - my ten best reads of 2010.  I hope you enjoy!  And if you should happen to read any of these, please let me know what you thought!

2010 Quote Review

It’s that time again… time for our annual quote review! For those of you who aren’t familiar, every year I gather up the things I have heard and read and then sort out the very best quotes. This year they’re divided up into two categories – things my friends and family have said and things I read this year.


My understanding is that there’s a small competition going on within the Tuesday Night community as to who can get the most quotes on the 2010 quote review. I haven’t tallied them up, but I’m sure someone will take advantage of their bragging rights soon!

Enjoy!


From the Mouths of Friends

*I must say, this is the first time in my life I’ve experienced a spontaneous Sister Act moment. ~ Curt

*I have a theory that denim is a giant napkin. ~ Heather

*My cat peed on the census forms. She’s an anarchist, I’m just a spineless liberal. ~ Meghan
 - This is, hands down, my favorite quote of the year

*I’m looking at you and I see a problem. ~ Mallory
- Mallory was actually trying to comfort me when this one popped out, but it sounded much more like she thought there was something very wrong with me. It’s since become a Tuesday Night staple.

*My goal today is not to be a dick… so, like, ten minutes later I was being a dick. ~ Curt

*I wish apartments were as easy to steal as purses. ~ Meghan

*He was, like, really, really touchy, but with his pelvis. ~ Heather

*Punching might be a love language for Jason. ~ Curt

*I asked him what cologne he wears and he was like, ‘Man Sweat!’ ~ Meghan

*Heather: I never did anything mean to a pastor before….
  Curt: It’s surprising how quickly you get used to it.

*Is that the sound of toenails being clipped… or a gun? ~Carissa

*They don’t have whiskey in space. That’s what I don’t wanna be an astronaut. ~ Curt

*Shimmy like your rent’s due! ~ Mallory

*5,000 year PMS = The Old Testament ~ Curt

*I’m so excited because my yoga ass is coming in! – Bex

*There’s always gonna be this beautiful, bitchy undertone. ~ Curt
- Why thank you, Curtis. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said about me all year!

*That’s the night I was my father’s Japanese son. ~ Mallory

*There’s not a word in the English language that conveys the magnitude of my “ewwww”. ~ Curt

*I’ve actually won two dance contests with the sprinkler. ~ Meghan

*That was my Tuesday Night before I had them. ~ Bex

*Curt: Was he hot?
  Bex: He was in a I-might-have-just-killed-my-parents-and-put-em-in-the-freezer kind of way


Things I Read This Year

*Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. ~ Marianne Williamson

*The hypochondriac is therefore a hopeless case, whose illness (the fear of sickness and of death) is most often cured by sickness and death. ‘I told you so’ seems the haunting subtext of their funerals. ~ Thomas Lynch; Bodies in Motion and at Rest

*I don’t drink. I did of course, and plenty of it, but had to quit for the usual reasons. It got to where I was spilling so much of it. ~ Thomas Lynch; Bodies in Motion and at Rest

*What is said and unsaid are both instructive. ~ Thomas Lynch; Bodies in Motion and at Rest

*Among the few consolation of what has been called writer’s block is the assurance that, so long as one has it, one is, indeed, a writer ~ Thomas Lynch; Bodies in Motion and at Rest

*I guess humans like to watch a little destruction. Sand castles, houses of cards, that’s where they begin. Their great skill is their capacity to escalate. ~ Markus Zusak; The Book Thief

*It’s a fundamental human need to pass music around. ~ Rob Sheffield; Love Is a Mix Tape

*You’re fighting a battle of good and evil with your dog pimp! Your only weapon is the shimmy! There is power in the shimmy! Make him fear your shimmy! Now, goddamnit show me your war shimmy! ~ Laurie Notaro; There’s a (Slight) Chance I Might be Going to Hell

*If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more or become more, you are a leader. ~ John Quincy Adams

*All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. ~ I have no idea who said this; I saw it on someone’s facebook


And there we have it, 2010 in summary!

Trainers for the little bug!

If you recall this post about my diaper sewing, and then this post about potty learning, you my have concluded that Norah decided she wanted to potty learn right after I made her a nice, new, squishy batch of diapers.  And if you came to that conclusion, you are correct.

However, we are still having our share of 'oops'es, espeically now that the potty is no longer a new, cool concept she is intent on mastering.  To help out with the oopses I've sewed her up a nice new batch of training pants.  And hey, who knows!  Maybe the production of a giant batch of trainers is just what she needs to keep her nice and dry. ;)

For your viewing pleasure, here they are:


I made her two of each design except for the owl pair - she has 3 owl pairs - for a total of 13.  What can I say, blue eyes looking up at you saying, "Owl undies, peeeese" cannot be ignored.  Here are a couple closer-ups of my favorites.





The inners and outers of these trainers are plain 'ole cotton knit.  I've used a rib knit with some spandex content for the legs and waist bands, so they will fit nice and snug and retain their stretchiness.  They all have soaker pads consisting of three layers of cotton flannel, which is (I hope) enough padding to keep a small accident from being catastrophic (pee running down the leg and into the shoe, anyone?), but not enough to feel padded like a diaper.

Now, the very best thing about these trainers... they unsnap.  This may not mean much to someone who doesn't have a small child in underwear or trainers, but to those that do, it means a whole lot - namely that you will never wrestle with your conscious over wanting to cut a nasty pair of undies off of a child rather than attempt to slide them off.  No worries, here.  Just unsnap, clean up, and go about your day.

Once I finished these up, I started wondering if these could be made with a waterproof material.  And so, I made up one last pair.  These last ones have a layer of PUL on the outside, which is a waterproof material.  I don't know how much it will actually help, as the leg ribbing is sewn right in between the inner layer and the PUL and will therefore likely wick like mad.  But, being trainers, they're intended to be taken off as soon as you know there's an accident, so maybe they won't wick too badly if I get them off her quick enough?  I'll be testing them out to find out.  I espeically like the star snaps on this pair:



These are all made from the Tinkle Time Trainers pattern.  It comes in sizes 18mo - 7 years, and also includes pattern pieces to make big kid undies as well as the trainers.  The pattern includes instructions for a pull up style trainer (no snaps - boo!), and a snap on trainer with one or two rows of snaps on each side.  I've made these with just one row.  These are relatively easy to put together, but did take me more time than I had anticipated.  The pattern is available for purchase here.  The pattern maker also has an overnight trainer pattern that's similar, but I haven't tried it out yet.

Now to see if these help the little bug stay dray!