Lately I've been seeing these signs all over town for 40 days of prayer and fasting to end abortion. They're everywhere - people's yards and in front of churches and just hanging out by the street. I have strong suspicions that this has been taken on by a church or several churches - or is at least heavily endorsed by our area churches.
You know what? I get it. Abortion sucks. I'd really rather no one had one. It would be awesome if a movement was successful in not only eradicating abortion, but eradicating the circumstances that lead young women to this decision. I'm one of those crazy people who think abortion is as much a symptom of a greater problem as it is a problem in and of itself. I won't go into my rant about abortion protesters here, but let it just suffice to say that for as much as the hardcore pro-lifers I know (all church people, by the way) want those babies to be born, they sure don't want to be the ones who have to take care of the babies (or the moms) once they're here. Another topic for another day, I suppose, along with my rant about how the church doesn't like liberals or their social programs too much yet Christians don't provide for the poor like the Bible commands them to, etc, etc, etc. It is doubtful that the church is going to make me happy about much of anything at this point. Let's just leave it at that.
Yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.
I did not see one sign, anywhere.
So, apparently if you abort your baby a terrible thing has occurred and you've robbed a little soul of its chance to make a difference in the world and it is a terrible tragedy.... but if you lose a baby to miscarriage or stillbirth or SIDS (or a freakishly placed ectopic pregnancy).... eh, *shoulder shrug*, you'll get over it.
Maybe it sounds like I'm over-reacting to a lack of signage, but the truth is this has bugged me for awhile. The very same people who would have been horrified had I had an elective abortion just looked at me and gave me a crappy cliche' when I lost babies that were very much loved and wanted. The people from my church who would've jumped at the chance to help me repent of an abortion and would've found me a support group and checked up on how I was doing months later simply squirmed in their seats and made non-commital noises and went about their lives without further inquiries or support when I lost babies I loved. Apparently, support just isn't as much fun when there's no sin to fix. Perhaps the entire church is co-dependent? A few Christian members of my community were exceptions to this rule, which doesn't surprise me at all - living in community is far different than attending church.
Tell me, why are the babies I lost so much less precious than a baby someone chose to abort? Did they have less capacity to make a difference had they been born? Were they less real? They were alive at one point and then they weren't. How is that so different?
I was thinking last night about all those signs and about the two babies we lost last year and how I still miss them and wonder what would've happened if things had turned out differently. I thought about a woman I know who had an abortion long before I was ever pregnant and how easy it was for me to love her and accept her regret and pain and be the support she needed. I thought about the support groups and free counsling that were available to her to help her heal. And then I thought about how hard it was for so many people around me to love me and accept my pain and be the support I needed. And I thought about how the only support group I could find was online and how I couldn't see a counselor who specialized in this area because she wasn't covered under my insurance.
And it occurred to me, I'd have been better off if I'd actually terminated those pregnancies myself.
Something about that seems very wrong to me.