Friday, June 20, 2008

Top 10 Things I Learned from LOST

Apparently, there is now a book out about what we can learn from the popular TV series LOST from the Christian perspective. This intrigues me to no end as a) a good many of the Christians I have encountered (but not all, mind you) would have run screaming from LOST about the time Kate *gasp* had sex *gasp* with Sawyer and b) the one character who seems to demonstrate a bit of faith is the one character that everyone I know seems to hate (though I refuse to back down from my Locke fan-dom). I have the book on hold at the library out of sheer curiosity and hope to get my hands on it soon.

Anywho, as much as I love this show, at times it’s too ridiculous for even me to take. In order to retain my fan-dom I must interject random sarcasm and give myself a bit of space. And so, a month and a half after everyone else was done chatting about the show for this season, I leave you with the Top 10 most interesting things I’ve learned from LOST:

10. If you give birth on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere after a major plane crash, your stomach will automatically shrink to 24 inches within days after birth and you will somehow not have any maternity clothes in your luggage – only tiny, tight tanks and cute little shorts. I know that’s what I plan to pack for all my 8-month-pregnant trips.

9. If you murder someone and then get into a plane crash, the murder charges will be dropped – as long as you helped rescue a few other people off the plane. Note to self: buy plane ticket for immediately after murder scheme and cross fingers.

8. Even if you hate your biological father with every fiber of your being, seeing his randomly disembodied spirit wandering around an island will somehow prompt you to leave your baby behind and follow him into a creepy invisible cabin in the woods. I wouldn’t follow most of the people I like into a creepy invisible cabin in the woods. But hey, that’s just me!

7. No one has to know where you are to send you food. So there’s this secret island, right? And no one can find it, right? And it’s this huge feat when the bad guys do manage to find it, right? But hey! Don’t worry about food – we have that air-shipped in.

6. Living on a creepy deserted island will keep you from ever being surprised by anything – even if no one ever tells you what the hell is going on. My personal favorite? Alex, this is your mother. And what did Alex say? Not, “WTF, I have a mother?!” Not, “Whoa, psycho, if this is my mother what have you been doing with me all these years?” Not even, “Huh?” Nope, she just blankly stares at Danielle as if it all makes sense.

5. Writing a plot line about a guy whose big brother gets him hooked on heroin and who then has a major scramble with the authorities in an airplane because he’s got the drugs before having to kick his habit due to being in a strange new world where there is no heroin (well, not for awhile, anyways) does not mean you read The Dark Tower. Really. It’s a coincidence.

4. If your child star, I don’t know, grows during 4 years of filming, simply start showing him flashed forward 3 years. Suddenly everyone says, “Of course Walt looks 17. He IS 17!”

3. Doors cannot be shut from the outside. They can only be shut from the inside. Unfortunately, the inside is also where you get trapped and drown. (Seriously, 4 steps outside that door and Charlie would still be here).

2. Being young and hot outweighs being right. It does not matter if you were right and the people on the boat are trying to kill you - if you’re not the 30-year-old lead actor that Miss Teen USA over there is tuning in to see, you’re still the bad guy. *sigh*

And the number one thing I have learned from LOST….

If you don’t like what’s going on in your little corner of the world…. move your island!

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Love it. Especially the one about
Walt. He almost looks like a grown man now! I do have an addition to the list, though.

11. Even if you are grossly overweight, being stranded on an island in which you frequently required to exert yourself will not help you lose any weight. C'mon Hurley, that's like the best weight loss plan ever!